Chapter 8 Page 139: “… with her shaved head… After she finished the apology, she declared herself a ‘sex freak,’ saying that sex had made her ‘feel better than I have ever felt.’ To say that this was not an attitude that many feminists had at the time is an understatement. Enjoying sex was one thing, but abandoning marriage and being proudly promiscuous was quite another.”

Her views weren’t necessarily shared by anyone and she didn’t need them to be shared for her to keep pushing against the (incorrect) social norms of the time. She sacrificed her relationship with feminists, she sacrificed monogamous married life, she sacrificed her silence, all for her belief and instinct that there was more available for women (and others). “More” took the form of masterbation and other things. It’s radical to make love to yourself, even today, and it takes courage to do so.

Bringing her work full circle, her sacrifice made it possible for me to have the life I have today. I’ve shaved my head multiple times in my life and many of my AFAB and female friends have as well. This is a somewhat common ritual that we go through and I hadn’t realized Betty started that until reading Sex by Design. I realize this is a different book from Buzz but I think being willing to sacrifice one’s “crowning glory” and that it reached through time all the way to me at 19 (the first time I shaved my head) makes the case for her as a cultural hero, pressing back against what the culture feeds us about what a “woman” looks like. I live in a city where monogamy is less common than some form of poly relationship(s). I have a multitude of sex toys and can find others very easily from many different websites and in-person stores. She doesn’t touch on this from a non-binary or queer perspective as we know it currently but I’d imagine that she also paved the way for us queers to get to be out and proud.

In her claiming herself as “sex freak,” it gave the rest of us permission to also be sex freaks. Humans are sex freaks, there are now studies showing that we are more similar to bonobos than to chimps, both are equally our closest primate relatives. Betty lived this and preached it and made it beautiful and sexy.