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Which chapter from the book are you likely to re-read in the future? Name the chapter and explain why it’s meaningful to you.
I would re read chapter 10 over and over again. I loved this chapter because for the first time the positions in a book are explained in what makes them great for both partners, how to add more pleasure for each partner and what different things you can do for mobility. I loved that there is an explanation to why it works for each partner. It already gets your brain active in the position and gives your brain a reference as to what you can focus your attention on when you’re in the position. I love that because it welcomes fantasy in already!
I like chapter 8 ‘Masturbation for couples’ as it gives deep insight into why maturbation is importnat and why we should do it in couple, but as well why to have it in solo. It gives perspective on all the age groups as well and determines the role it plays with each step we grow. Looking at our maturbation history, than masturbation in marriage, couples sharing masturbation, solo mastr., my favorite partner assisted masturbation, and the history of masturbation. I think i will come back to here many times as a sex coach and working with my clients, to be able to share this all information with them and help to build the habit of self love. Partner assisted has changed my relationship many years ago and now we can not imagine our sex without it. I think every couple should at least try it, to understand the beauty it brings to couple sex life but as well opening new deepness and trust in the realtionship.
There’s no one chapter I loved the most but I enjoyed the overall messages/quotes:
1) “My approach to teaching sex is to focus on the body and orgasms. I believe that experiencing consistent orgasms is essential in developing self-esteem and sustaining a loving relationship.”
2) “Vulva and art share many similarities. They both require skills that must be learned and practiced. America flaunts sex in the media and entertainment fields, but at the same time, our Puritan underpinnings show through when we avoid the most fundamental, real-life aspects of sexual pleasure.”
3) “The man-on-top intercourse depicted in my first dirty picture is not the preferred form of sexual expression. It is man, not God, who advocates the missionary position since it serves most men’s need to control the action that leads to male ejaculation.”
Betty, always bottom-lining it! These are great gems from the book that I enjoyed and believe would resonate with Bodysex workshop participants.
A chapter I am likely to reread in the future is Chapter 11: Especially for Men. I think a lot of men are quick to blame women for sexual incompatibility when in reality women need a lot more time and stimulation to experience pleasure and orgasm. I agree with Betty on the importance of getting and maintaining an erection and learning ejaculatory control. She gave some great instructions on how to achieve that.
Chapter 11 – Especially for Men
This chapter is full of insights about how to become a great and supportive lovers that would benefit equally men and women to read. I have been lucky to have such a person in my early sex history during my teen and now with my current lover. Men open to learn about how to improve their technique and skills are always welcomed into a hetero woman’s life. There is so much work to do though to incite men to raise their standard higher…
“When you base your self-esteem on being the only legitimate source of her sexual pleasure, you unknowingly set up one of the biggest barriers to becoming a world-class lover. Encouraging your girlfriend or wife to be part of the sexual dance by taking control of her own clitoral stimulation is the biggest step any man can take toward creating sexual equality.” (158)
I love all the chapters as they each offer very direct insight and guidance. However I think as a Bodysex leader, I would like to really embody the knowledge or chapter 10, I feel a lot of women like Betty shared can enjoy sex the way the want it if they are practising to express what they want and don’t like. Becoming familiar with all the positions and what they offer will give women insight into what to expect. Just because sex in one position wasn’t feel good doesn’t mean you need to right off having partner sex with that person… I feel including myself that I can get stuck in one position and not change it up because sometimes I’m worried I’ll ruin the mood. This chapter like the others reminds me throughout to seek what works for me. Communicate what works for me and or be vocal about what gets me HOT, and what you’d like to explore/
I can’t wait to try Betty’s FAV position, end of the bed vaginal pen, anal pen in doggy style with vibrator on clit and plenty of lube.
“In sex, changes made gradually usually work better than sudden shifts” -p137
There are so many profound and philosophical insights from Betty, this book is a real treasure.
I’m listening to it on audible and I feel like sometimes the chapters get wonky compared to the print versions so I’m not listing chapters, sorry. I have the print version coming this week. I tried to order copies of this for my teenage nephews but there was only one available on the whole of Amazon it seems. This book is so freaking good and so much of it stands out to me.
I enjoyed Betty’s story of being at the bridal shower, introducing herself as their “over sexed grannie” and then it turning into an education for the gen-xers. I also appreciated Betty’s perspective and then shift of thinking her work (and the work of others) must have surely made this giant shift in the culture and then discovering that the women were almost as ignorant as the women in the 60s/70s. The shower was this intimate little peek into what was actually going on. I also appreciate Betty talking about how the 80s were this time of renewed constriction and repression of women, sexuality, and education. I actually think private events would be a good avenue for Bodysex. Like you could hire one or two facilitators to come and do a small private group instead of strippers.
Another part that stands out to me is all the cyclical hubub around vaginal versus clit orgasms. It’s totally nuts! Why are we still trying to cram everyone in to the male model of turn on and orgasm? And who is benefiting from things being this way? I feel like it would actually make more sense if everyone’s regular sex partners were either themselves or with someone with matching genitalia and then when we needed a procreation situation, we mixed the sex organs knowing it was for offspring. Honestly, people should get to fuck who they want but at least this scenario offers some pressure release of hetero normative P to V sex.
I love how Betty thought of the world, of partnerships, and pleasure and that she was able to share her perspectives and information so that we have the knowledge to learn and then also pass on.
2 chapters I will read again are 10 Orgasm For Two: I love all the variations in sex positions and instructions on how to stimulate the clitoris in each position. Have tried a few positions out and look forward to trying others out.
I loved the chapter Especially for Men, know I know what to asks for (slow penetration and play around the hole) sand I can appreciate my partners ability to hold his erection usually long enough for me to have an orgasm.
I loved anything about mutual masturbation as this is new for me. My husband and I typically share in mostly my masturbation practices but not his. He is too shy and doesn’t want to “waste his orgasm” before we have mutual sex. This is something I will keep encouraging along with edging to broaden our sexual relationship. I think it is the most compelling thing I have learned so far that sheds so much light on wondering what a partner would enjoy. They can be your best teacher and you theirs.
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