@aubreymoore
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I wrote a poem describing how I feel about my orgasm:
When the teenage years hit, she was quiet and small, desires whispering through her mind.
And she jumped and thrusted and writhed and groaned, so close yet far behind.
And when she came close, she never quite saw the end of that spiritual road.
Because orgasm was not important to young girls, at least that is what she was told.
Throughout most adulthood, she was completely gone, but no one ever seemed to care.
So she performed and faked her way through the world, then slowly began to disappear.
The only times she felt the courage to be seen was when she was all alone.
And she roared and scraped and yelled and pushed until she felt like she was home.
Because home to her felt warm and right, sometimes messy, and always free.
Each time she came home, she stepped into life; she rested in sanctuary.My connection (and disconnection) with my body has been quite a journey and my first memory of really putting attention to it was in my early teens when I would explore my body (mostly my genitals) with curiosity. The vaginal opening was the most curious thing and I stuck a lot of things in there haha As I grew into a young adult, I became quite athletic and loved the way my body looked. And although it looked great on the outside, I was completely disconnected and malnourished on the inside. It was a confusing time because I felt this positive external attention and yet exhausted and pushed to the edge most of the time; physically, mentally and emotionally. As I grew older, my exercise and diet changed, as did my sexual partners which also had an impact on my body (sometimes positively and sometimes not). It wasn’t until around age 30 that I started to reconnect with my femininity and my body in a pleasure-filled way. Now, 5 years later, I’m still learning so much about myself, new bodily pleasures and old insecurities that still hang around. I feed my body better foods, but not every day. I exercise by walking and doing yoga, and still feel like I should do more at times. So although I feel way more connected to and curious about my body than in years past, I still battle my inner critic about doing more to look a certain way (particularly when it comes to my stomach area). It’s a journey.
Love the cannabis question above as I’m diving deep into cannabis history currently and have found it to be a wonderful plant for me and my parents. My current question for Betty:
“Where did your anger go? How did you deal with it?”
After reading about your life and your intimate journals, there was plenty of experiences that invoked anger and I want to know how you dealt with that. Growing up, anger and sadness were things that I was not meant to feel – I was constantly urged to stop crying or that being angry was wrong in some way. As an adult now, I find it hard to articulate my anger in a way that is healthy and meaningful and I’d love to know what you did to facilitate this within yourself and continue to stand proud and strong.
Throughout Module 2 there were many different aspects of Betty’s life that I discovered, some among them are the way she got nervous and shook when speaking in front of large groups or how much of her art she didn’t actually sell, but kept on creating anyway. But the biggest new piece of her life was her article – that may or may not have published at all – “How’s Your Sex Life?”. I found this article to be a beautiful story of her dance with self-love, pleasure, awakening and spirituality. I felt a surge of energy run through me as I read it and a smile on my face as I realized that I, too, experienced more confidence, openness, purposefulness and peacefulness when experience self-pleasure and reignited the excitement for me to re-prioritize it in my life!
Betty’s discussion at Yale – the audience seemed less open to her words as there was lots of hissing. Betty’s demeanor seemed more confident and sure of herself, something I’m assuming attributed not only to her internal courage but her years of experience talking openly about human sexuality. I also loved how well she knew what she liked and what she didn’t and was so PRO CHOICE! She spoke openly about what she liked and basically said that if you didn’t like that, then to turn it off or don’t do it. Simple. One of the things that attracts me most to Betty’s work is this: her simplicity when discussing the topic of choice and it’s fundamentalism for the approach not just to sexuality, but to anything in life.
An analogy that I hear a lot nowadays when any new concept is being crafted for or introduced to society (particularly by an artist) is “building the plane while flying it.” Betty is the epidemy of this phrase. Intuitively, she knew that there wasn’t one certain way to go about creating Bodysex as she says, “An artist just figures it out!” It’s so inspiring to me how she went into these CR groups with nothing but an idea and her passion for self-understanding and -liberation. She allowed the women to tell her what they needed and kept building on from there. It makes my heart sing! And for even just a moment, I’m reminded that I’m enough as I am to do what sometimes feels scary or impossible.
From her journals, I loved seeing her creative flow – not just in writing, but in her drawings and the big bold, all-capped letters she wrote in. It was like witnessing her free-flow of ideas, uninhibited by analytical thought. As an artist myself, this can be challenging within my own creative flow.
And lastly, her reframing of fear was astoundingly accurate and true. For my own creative process, fear is the biggest thing that holds me back: fear of failure, rejection, success, judgment, etc. – one way or another, it all comes back to FEAR. Betty’s reframing of fear stood out to me and will be something I hope to never forget. She said, “Everything that I have ever done that has been of any value to my personal growth has always been preceded by fear.”
Betty’s art is quite moving. Classical art is one of my most favorite forms and she did it so beautifully, so it’s quite difficult to pick a favorite. I feel drawn to her “darker” pieces like Cock Junkie and Sex on Acid; they are so visceral and full of honesty. When I first saw Cock Junkie, I felt a deep thud in my chest: truth. The sacrifice of women in this world brought a sadness and anger to me that felt heavy and warm in my chest and stomach. Sex on Acid kept pulling me deeper and deeper into the painting. Each time I clicked the browser to take another peek, I found something new. Plus, the sheer darkness of it brings forth the shadow ideologies of Carl Jung, one of my favorite persons in history.
Cock Junkie: https://www.dodsonandross.com/fineart/cock-junkie
Sex on Acid: https://www.dodsonandross.com/fineart/sex-acid
~
Though, one of my ultimate favorite pieces of Betty’s is The Goddess. Not only does this picture encapsulate her beautiful classic form, but it also pulls in her way of naming and acknowledging the beautiful variety of vulvas in this world. Even the asymmetry of the piece personifies Betty. She viewed life as a work of art and the only way to “do” the art is doing it the way you feel it has to be done; the artist’s way. At first the asymmetry bothered me, but then I realized that that was the way this piece had to be done. I admire Betty for following her heart like that. When I look at this piece, I am reminded to follow my own heart and to live my life the way I feel I must. I hear her voice in my head, “Aubrey, don’t you dare fuckin’ do it any other way! You do it the way you feel it has to be done.”
The Goddess: https://www.dodsonandross.com/fineart/goddess
I love that she started with a bold and vulnerable story about her childhood and where the first association with masturbation came from: her mother. She speaks with such confidence around body exploration. Throughout the lecture, she gives so many bold examples that people just didn’t (and still don’t) talk about: her fantasies, how she masturbated, her use of vibrators, her conditioning as a woman, her experience with abstinence, her experience with sexuality throughout her marriage, her sexual repression. Even saying “orgasm” and “sex” so many times was likely shocking for some people in the Midwest at that time. For me, her entire lecture was bathed in strength, curiosity and honesty.
Her talk inspires me to masturbate more and to openly write about my sexual experiences (my art form). Thank you, Betty!
When I made the decision to finally quit my corporate job and become a full-time Sex & Intimacy Coach, I received mixed responses from my friends, coworkers and family. Some of them were confused and even completely disgusted at my being so open with sexuality (like some of the feminist at the NOW Conference),. Some told me that I was making the biggest mistake of my life. The majority of them were surprised and impressed, saying things like, “That takes a lot of courage” and “You’re really going for it, aren’t you?” Looking back, I would imagine that Betty experienced a similar response during her conference with the latter being more of the majority. The women at the NOW Conference recognized how brave and authentic Betty was being, how honest and vulnerable she was; like she was saying things that these women had experienced or thought of themselves. Betty went for it just as I did! She decided to live her life the way she truly wanted to and I think that energy transcended into every woman at the NOW Conference. And for that moment, every woman had the long awaited opportunity to feel connected to one another, understood, seen, educated, and liberated by Betty’s words and pictures.
However, the former responses, the ones with confusion, disgust and fear for change may have likely led to that also being the last sexuality conference for NOW. Although, change often begins with one person, it takes more than one person to make lasting change. I would imagine how easy it was for the NOW Conference listeners to feel liberated in Betty’s presence while she speaks the words they only say in their minds (it’s easy to be a holy woman in a holy place). But when it came time to use their own voice or take action, the feelings of fear, judgment, shame, and anxiety resurfaced and won. Sexual freedom threatens many long-standing religious beliefs and societal structures (even today) that give people a sense of safety because it is so familiar. I suspect the women of the NOW felt that same sense of familiarity as they went back to their “normal” lives. This familiar feeling keeps us (myself included) inside the padded walls of societal prison and can make stepping outside of those walls feel unsafe and even, terrifying.
I first saw Betty’s cunt drawings in her book Sex For One a couple of years ago. I felt the overwhelming feeling of, “Wow! Look at these beauties!” My fascination with sex was finally matched in the form of intricate erotic drawings which created feelings of power, relief and wonder. Then, I saw them enlarged at my first Bodysex Retreat earlier this year and was met with more wonder and happiness. The more I see the cunt drawings, the more I feel appreciation for Betty’s bravery and boldness. The third time I saw the enlarged drawings (a couple of weeks ago), I felt an overwhelming sense of curiosity. I wanted to study them further and really understand how each cunt was beautifully different. How could I pick out a baroque cunt or a gothic cunt? The feelings of curiosity, relief and wonder continue to bring reassurance and courage to this path I’m on. Becoming a Bodysex Associate, and eventually a Leader, is not for the faint of heart and when I see the cunt drawings, I’m reminded of my own strength and courage for stewarding this important and delicate work.
I was reminded of Betty’s courage during her own sexual exploration in Chapter 3. I was also reminded of my own blockages around shame, guilt and judgement that still tumble around inside me. When I asked myself questions about ‘bringing my partner along on this journey’ – I was met with resistance and fear. What if he doesn’t want to explore with me? What if he says “no”? My attachment style becomes quite visible as does my fear of abandonment and people-pleasing tendencies.
Of course, as I read on, Betty reassures me that moving forward to sexual freedom – regardless of partner – is totally worth it. When I’m really passionate about something or really want something, I will muster every ounce of courage inside me to make it happen. I am very proud of this quality of mine. My plan is to continue to confront these scary things and use the tools I’ve learned from reading Betty’s work, working with relationship coaches, my Clinical Sexology certification and other research/reading material to continue to communicate my fears and work through them during my own solo feminine rituals.
Another small piece of resistance I noticed was in Chapter 6 when she talks about certain sexual language. Funnily enough, I’m extremely comfortable with more medical/scientific terminology (vulva, penis, etc.), but felt some resistance with words like “cunt, pussy and cock.” Without trying to judge myself, I will practice saying these words out loud each day, so that I can build up some familiarity and comfort with them. I’m sure over time they will become like dear friends and will make me smile and laugh!
(Pg 81) – I love the depiction of similarities between female and male genitals. I will likely be referring to this many times in my work. This chapter is also my favorite chapter where she dives into her own experience starting Bodysex workshops. Reading about her nerves and her courage is inspiring! Plus, she’s got some really great points in this chapter describing a variety of reasons why masturbation is essential! When I read this chapter, I could envision this in my own life: finding my own courage, working through my own nerves, impacting the lives of women in my community – this chapter made me feel like I was on the right path.
(Pg 122, 125) – “Sexual energy is not only the life force that creates the next generation, but it is also the source of our creativity.” This quote always stops me in my tracks! The gravity of acknowledging the extreme strength and amazing capability of the female body to grow a human in our stomachs and birth them into existence – creating life! What creative energy is more powerful than the energy that creates life?!
(Pg 132-133) – Her take on sexual fantasies is so spot on! Our minds are very powerful and can change our entire reality! Understanding the health and creativity of sexual fantasies was very healing for me. Once I understood that my sexual fantasies were normal and that I didn’t’ have to attach a bunch of meaning to them, I felt free! These pages also emphasize Betty’s beautiful gift of simplification – politics have no business being in our sex lives!
A comment that stood out to me from the Bodysex Documentary was how “your orgasm can be your longest companion”. This also symbolizes that the longest relationship you have in your life: the relationship with yourself. I feel this is true for my own life, as well. For the longest time (about 30 years), I didn’t acknowledge or treat the relationship with myself as a priority or well at all. I understand the gravity of this now and am determined to continually embody relationship-building with myself, which includes my orgasm and the pleasure I’m allowed to give myself (sexual and non-sexual). I’m still trying to form this into a couple of sentences, but I can feel the powerful and meaningful energy of how much pleasure I allow myself and taking that stand for all women.
Honestly, there was no resistance for me. This documentary was so easy to watch as I leaned into every woman’s story and clung to Betty’s every word. I cried with joy during the erotic recess as I witnessed the beauty of the women in the sacredness of the modern-day witch’s circle celebrating themselves and each other, collectively rising. This may also be because I’ve attended a Bodysex Workshop and have experienced my own sacred erotic recess with other women. Though, I loved how this group was so involved in each other’s self-pleasure, learned new positions together, and consensually used each other’s erotic energy to fuel their own! All I could feel inside of me was opening and joy – there wasn’t really much resistance going on at all. 🙂
The tiny bit of possible resistance that I could comment on (and this is a stretch) was Betty’s way of touching other women’s genitals during show and tell. She made it look quite easy and I imagine this was somewhat due to the type of women that were present, but every Bodysex group is different. Some women may be more sensitive to touch, in general, or experienced sexual trauma, so touching them (without asking or without warning) may be quite triggering. I felt myself wondering, “Will I be as brave as Betty? Will I be as smooth and relaxing as Betty? Will I be able to talk about all the parts of the vulva during genital show and tell? Will I be able ‘facilitate’ during erotic recess without losing myself in my own pleasure?” You could say the most resistance I felt was my own self-doubt, which has shown up frequently throughout this new chapter of my life. I’m continuously discovering ways to reassure myself that I am capable and trust in the Bodysex training that I’ll receive what I need in order to someday facilitate this powerful and moving experience for women all over the world.
I loved that quote of Betty’s too! I also love how you put “surrendering to the divine feminine” – I believe that connecting with our feminine is how we connect with our true desire. Beautifully said Emma!
Bodysex is the ultimate way to connect with my own body and opens the doors to self-love and self-acceptance. It is the way to find the pleasure access points in my body, especially the access to trusting myself. When I give myself pleasure/orgasm, I am actively building trust within myself – something that has been notoriously difficult for me throughout most of my life. For years, I’ve tried to “think” my way through becoming confident, trusting my intuition, and accepting all the parts of me. Bodysex is the missing piece for me that will finally help me connect with myself in the ways that I truly desire.
I’ve spent so many years away from my body (I call this operating “neck up”) and Bodysex has given me an opportunity (and framework) to reconnect with my body, to find gratitude for my body, to heal the shame, guilt and anger that my body has carried throughout the years, and to love my body and self for all that I am.????
