@chouse1011
Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Judged for being my most authentic self and judged for being my most authentic sexual self. I was judged/labeled as a child for masturbating so much (no one ever recognizing that it was a family member that had opened pandora’s box/introduced that feeling to those nerve endings). Then I was judged for being a loud and garish teenager without anyone realizing I was only covering the pain of betrayal of disregard and the anxiety that comes with it. As a young adult, I was judged for being openly promiscuous bisexual. As an adult, I was judged for not always making the best relationship choices. I wish I could say the one thing that hasn’t happened is me being judged by myself, but that’s not the case. All I know is I crawled out of that judgment every time, found my way to the light and love that life can offer, and I wear all of those recoveries like badges on a Girl Scout’s sash. At some point, I found acceptance in not caring so much about the judgements, past, present or future – I’ll stick with the light and love.
I agree with Betty and Carlin that if you are an adult woman, you should have the legal right to be a paid sex worker. It’s certainly not for everyone, but neither is any profession that exists.
The power of “Feminist Sex Advocate” – Betty seemed to accidentally coin the term in one of the videos with her and Carlin, but how true this title is! That’s what we are based on the drive we have to help and change. Even though I’m just at the start of my Bodysex coaching journey, I will be keeping this phrase in mind for a long time to come.
That all fetishes involve pain, torture, or some type of humiliation. There are plenty of kinks out there that are sensation based and don’t involve any type of pain or discomfort.
I started attending fetish parties (Alter Ego) back in 2009/10 and continued on for several years on occasion when I had to opportunity to be out for the evening. My favorite part about the parties was seeing how everyone dressed based on what they found to be a turn on and what their kink was. Plus, they typically would bring in some really talented entertainment. Although they had equipment on the premises for play, we preferred to save that for the privacy of home (I was involved with a couple at the time). Every once in awhile, I still enjoy the fetish parties. When I was younger, I thought that the BDSM was hot and fun with the right person (I was a submissive bottom) but now as I’m older, I realized that punishment and spanking wasn’t what I enjoyed as much as the tender care you received after. Now that I know how to state my pleasure, I am more than happy to say skip the pain, I’ll just take the sensual pleasure.
I have not had prior experience with Tantra but feel I’ve been maybe doing it to a degree without labeling it. I am definitely interested in ordering Barbara’s books as resources and learning more.
The correlation between what Barbara is saying and what I’ve been doing was eye opening. I have been doing much of this breath work and energy holding (I described it as a bowl of energy you’re holding in your lower abdomen). It was nice to hear- when you’re getting closer to the point of facilitating, you start to question, “Am I ready for it and will I do justice to the women I serve?” For me, that’s been super important so these videos, I actually watched several times and each time it got better and better. I believe I’m ready with the intention of always referring back to resources including this course content and Carlin/Laura – but I know if I had to coach someone tomorrow, I’m ready. I’m ready.
Education. Adults (parents, teachers, all those influential to growing and curious children) – if the adults are misguided by what was culturally and religiously imposed on them, most never relearn/correct their own thought process and prejudices, and therefore, repeat/pass down the same shaming cycle to the next generation. Access and exposure to healthy sexual and platonic mentalities with a number of types of educating partners. I.E., an 18 year old female coming into her own womanhood could benefit greatly from a combination of: 1) Bodysex and learning how to feel comfortable in and with your own body and pleasure, and 2) the learning of the importance of boundaries and being comfortable with saying no to others in a social setting that includes touch such as a Cuddle Party – both vitally educational in their own ways.
Guilt and shame are powerful manipulators, and unfortunately, girls/women are often the most easiest to make feel guilty and shameful. I think there are still a large number of parents who will guilt and shame their young daughters in hopes that somehow their criticism will “save her” from any sexual harm she might endure if’s she’s not ultra conservative when ultimately, they are doing some of the worst damage, themselves.
My experience with having orgasms in a group setting dates back to my childhood days when me and my girlfriends would take turns on the jets in my family’s swimming pool. Later in my adult life, there was a 6-month period of time where I was dating a couple (male and female) and the first night we had sex together was after a large fetish party and everyone was staying at a hotel for the after parties. One of their male friends who I’d met at the party that night wanted to join us (he knew what was going to be happening for the first time). The female of the couple asked if I would be okay with that but I had only just gotten to know the couple after a few nights of dinners together and a night of shooting pool- I was nervous already and only comfortable with them at the time so I said no. She assured me that was understandable and asked could he just sit in the corner of the room and watch us (darkened room, no cameras/video, he’d remain in his seat). I was attracted to the guy – he was very good looking and so I was comfortable with those terms. When it was time after a group shower, the three of us got in the hotel bed and I looked over in the corner- sure enough, he was quietly sitting there in the dark. The heavier drapes in the hotel room that block the light were opened just enough to let some of the outside/city lights stream in and over to us on the bed. The couple knew I was nervous and so they started with her going down on me to help relax. She was good at it and I was close to having an orgasm a few times but couldn’t get there under the circumstances. The oven was preheated though, for sure.😄 She then motioned for me to get up and turn around doggie style while I could see her boyfriend slipping on a condom – I knew it was go-time. I was so nervous, I just froze on all fours with a straight back on the bed. As he was squaring up behind me, she put one hand underneath on my stomach and one hand on the small of my back and gently guided my back to curve down so my pelvis/vulva would face out and he could get to it. By then, I was still so nervous but so turned on. Prior to this relationship with them, I had been celibate for a long time and my body was starting to realize how much this was needed. As soon as he slipped just the start of his erection, I dropped the upper half of my body to the bed and moaned. She started to stimulate my clitoris underneath while he was fucking me from behind and that’s all I needed to send me over the edge. I had this huge orgasm with the most animalistic sounds I think I had ever made during sex. It was glorious. After we finished and headed back to the shower to clean up again and rejoin the party, the guy in the corner slipped out while we were in the bathroom. Later that night, we ran into each other and he looked at me with the most genuine expression and said, “THAT…was fucking beautiful.” I thought to myself, yeah, that probably was hot to watch and then I was happier than ever that he was there to witness it. I’ve had other orgasms in a group setting since, including the Bodysex Erotic Recess circle, but that one with the cute guy in the corner witnessing me find my sexuality and orgasm again- that will always be my favorite.
Relationship status should be as open and fluid as sexual orientation. Like Betty said, “I am human and I am sexual.” I love that statement- it’s how I most fully see myself. Always there should be conversations with complete openness and disclosure within a committed relationship but realistically, no one can expect humans as sexual living beings to never evolve during their lifetime.
Like Emma, for me the piece that stood out the most was the 15 minute break during a heated argument. The science behind the chemistry change is fascinating but to reiterate, she does say to take a 15 minute break and basically do something that’s soothing in order to reset/rethink. But on the flip side, 15 minutes of stewing on the argument more isn’t going to help. There have been times where I need the night. I’m not a fan of “don’t go to bed angry” because in my experience, that’s actually exactly what you might need to do because 15 minutes isn’t enough. Whether you’re in separate rooms for that night or just sleeping back to back in the same space, in my opinion it’s okay if it’s more than 15 minutes to reset.
The myth that human sexuality is only for procreation – I think I recall hearing humans have sex about 1,000x per birth (even prior to available contraception). Compared to other animals close to the human race, perhaps with the exception of the Bonobos, which is now my new answer for “If you could come back as an animal, which would you want to be?” I now have a new fantasy after learning about the female Bonobo handshake.😄
The influences from a handful of power hungry men have altered so much of who we were and could have been. Even the differences between the Old Testament and the New Testament. If another gender or color held significance, they were to be washed away. Not sure we’re currently too far off the same path, as much as we fight for change; but it’s something we can never give up on.
I thought it was interesting how Chris pointed out that although Bonobos are just as close to us as Chimpanzees, only the Chimps are used as an example to show that it must be normal that we are violent because our closest relating apes are, as well. No one bothers to mention that Bonobos are just as close in likeness to humans and yet, they sexually work things out to keep the stress levels down/have never been known to be violent. This reiterates the theory that human violence seems to be considered acceptable but human sexual promiscuity isn’t. Such a lame concept and thinking of the amount of pain and suffering that occurs due to this mentality- it’s very disheartening.