@chouse1011
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The key piece for me is the importance of understanding that with practice (experience and time), all women are capable of orgasm. This one piece of information helps to begin the shedding of many barriers so that the learning can begin.
So many were relatable – it’s amazing how many young girls figured out the running bathtub faucet water trick. I would use the pool jets if swimming during the day and then this method at night. But to me, I really enjoyed the story of the woman who flew all the way from Hong Kong, never having had an orgasm prior, had her first orgasm with Betty coaching her, and then Betty encouraging her to keep going- spending the day together with great success. After that, it seemed like she was orgasming like she had been doing her entire life— just goes to show the powerful impact of a strong and supportive coach.
A common misconception is the timeline for orgasm for women — many try to pair it up with the orgasm timeline of a man and then they both get impatient and frustrated.
I started to explore my body and without parental deterrence for as long as I can remember. In my youth, I learned what an orgasm was after discovering the water jets in our swimming pool. I was young enough to still be uninhibited with my discovery and described it to my parents and older sister as my “relief.” To me, a full body orgasm is a release of sexually built-up energy that feels like either amazing waves of stimulation and force (or sometimes, it feels like the energy bouncing back and forth from the center to ends/up and down my body) all the while my heart is pounding which seems like visibly through my chest (next time I’m going to look for sure because I’m pretty certain I’ve noticed it before). After it settles down, I feel a certain pause with nothing but comfort and peace. (And then I typically want to do it again).
A good understanding of how the interior clitoris/erectile tissue and PF muscles/lower abdomen should be included together over time to build up to full body orgasm. In the past, I’ve described it as while stimulating your clitoris curl up your lower abdomen and squeeze your PF and then releasing back again (rock and roll method), while doing this imagine that you’re curling up your body into this imaginary bowl shape in your lower abdomen that holds the sexual energy buildup, and then releasing back and fully relaxing your body before repeating the curl up, each time holding the energy for as long as comfortable without causing a tension orgasm.
My biggest dream/vision — from the moment that parents see a natural curiosity in their child, they express consent and understanding for what they are doing, and when age appropriate, teach them that it’s entirely acceptable but as the child ages, it makes sense to seek/request privacy (after teaching my son this, at 6/7 years old, he used to stand at the top of the staircase and announce don’t come up, I’m having private time). Maybe it doesn’t have to be quite that obvious, but that balance between curiosity and discretion with permission — if they learn from their parents that they have the right to that time and space to be alone to explore, Bodysex wouldn’t be as needed— isn’t that the ultimate goal?
The autonomy that is gained from a woman learning her own pleasure anatomy is extremely liberating in the fact that once she understands her body, she can take ownership of learning from her body and what it tells her. And once she has learned that, she can share that information with a partner (and/or, (however she chooses), continue with her own pleasure with just as much satisfaction).
For a woman to lack an overall understanding of her clitoris, especially if she was never allowed or felt comfortable to naturally explore her own body, it represses her by potentially creating feelings of failure and frustration sexually, which in turn can affect her in other areas of her life. Similar to the vulva show and tell, an explanation of the entire internal clitoris and what it’s capable of opens the invitation to learn more. It gives a woman the opportunity to better understand that although everyone is created slightly different, we all have a clitoris and with patience, curiosity, and persistence, we all have the ability to discover this unique organ to its fullest potential. With time and new success/experience, the repression can fall away.
By repeating a lot of what is discussed in Bodysex about the clitoris:
1) The clitoris is a woman’s primary sensory sex organ
2) It exists for a sole purpose of pleasure/arousal/stimulation, and is the only human body part (on men or women) that exists for those sole purposes
3) It is a part of the body that never ages
4) It holds approximately 10,000 nerve endings inside of it
5) Despite a common misconception that it’s just the tip or tiny ball which is the clitoral glans, the entire internal clitoris is connected by legs, bulbs, and other erectile tissue located inside the vulva and around the vaginal opening (with Betty’s illustration or I’ve even used the internal clitoris pendant she created that I wear to show)
By the time all of the facts about the clitoris have been shared, I haven’t seen someone who didn’t have further interest in hearing/learning more.
“From that day on, whenever I became overwhelmed with frustration and questioned why I’d ever taken on the project of liberating masturbation or writing a sexual memoir that was in and out of the closet for over a thirty-five year period, I’d simply say to myself, “Patience, Little Bird.” The creative process is similar to the autonomic system of orgasm response- neither one can be consciously controlled. When I stop long enough to remember, I’m comforted in this knowledge: There can be no deadline for understanding sex, the creative process or to know when a work of art is finished. Only one thing is for sure: The doing is its own reward.”
I still laugh out loud about when Betty was meeting with her feminist lawyer friend about the Playboy article written by the mole in her workshop— when the writer had lied and said Betty told everyone she’d been fucked by a German Shepherd. Betty’s response had me in stitches— “No! That’s an absolute lie. It was a Standard Poodle, and the dog only licked my pussy a few seconds…” 😂 Then to hear the reason she even mentioned it was so sweet and thoughtful, and so Betty.
I really loved Bodysex Designs, especially regarding the personal and intimate moment with her mother, who Betty loved so much. It just goes to show how deep a relationship can be when love, respect, and honesty are fully present. As far as which I will likely revisit/remember the most actually is her Epilogue which had me in tears. For someone who currently has many irons in the fire that wants to “get there” faster, this story is pure gold for the conscience. “Patience, Little Bird.”
Knowing your vulva at the level of taste/touch/smell is the core of understanding your sexuality. To be at this comfort level removes any layers of doubt and discomfort, opening your ability to explore more, sense more, and heighten your ability, opening yourself to pleasure.
My vulva smells like pleasure and tastes like erotica. 😁 Really though, I do keep a check on the smell and taste – I’ve learned that my own natural scent is very mild but combined with semen overnight, if I wait until the next day to wash after sex, that’s where the fishy smell comes from. What’s strange to me is my husband’s semen is a mild smell and taste and I am a mild smell and taste but combined the two overnight and damn. For this reason, I typically use my bath/shower wand to clean myself out directly after sex (2-3 times of filling it up and pushing the water out—*** I’ve had a hysterectomy so I don’t know if this is safe for someone who still has her cervix). I use our goats milk soap to clean her along with Lume Tangerine wash, and if things really get sideways (on occasion), I just just insert a Boric Acid vaginal suppository overnight. The important part is just paying attention and then it’s easy to tackle/not a big deal.
I enjoy starting with the strokes over the entire vulva but instead of pulling up, I prefer pushing down. Then, there are the tugs…slowly and gently tugging on it all, from hair to labia to shaft and clit. And the pussy tapping, basically the pressed point (still or rhythmic) on the full vulva. Then, once your hand is cupped and still with energy flowing over your entire vulva, take your one favorite finger and tap gently on the door of your rosebud (the entrance to your vagina). You don’t even have to enter, just tap and rub on the outside. Once you’ve done these practices, you should see the arousal in your vulva to show you’re ready for the next step – penetration.