@chouse1011
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Penetration should be seen as not something entering the body but instead, the body craving to be entered — proper penetration occurs with proper arousal, giving the body control over what it receives and when.
Even if you’re not desiring full anal sex, at least give the smallest of butt plugs a try with some oil/lubrication — this alone can elevate your entire sexual experience.
I love it when my husband plays with the outside of my ass as part of foreplay and I have a few small/extra small butt plugs that I enjoy in place from time to time. If I am really super worked up and in the mood, I can enjoy his pinky in my ass as he’s stimulating my vulva/clit/vaginal opening, but I’m just not into getting to a place where anal sex with a full erect penis is necessary for me to enjoy myself. I love my vaginal/clitoral orgasms and even get turned on my nipple play and other arousal. I’m not against it and can see why many people would enjoy it, it’s just that so far in my experience I haven’t been desiring it. I’m also a never say never type of person so… I’ll never say never.
Carlin’s Painful Penetration Podcast spoke volumes to me. So much key information that nails the importance of this work, and feels like the essence around the Bodysex coaching process. I’ve listened to it multiple times and have taken notes, and each time, something else stands out to me. It’s like the Mission Statement of Bodysex and if you even pull 2 or 3 key points/phrases, you’ve got a great “elevator speech” on the importance of this work. It’s inspiring to me — it nails down the exact reasons I want to be part of this program. In my notes, I wrote down 25 key points that Carlin mentioned but if I were to give someone a brief introductory speech on how important Bodysex coaching is, I would say this:
1) We offer a safe, positive space where gentle guidance at the client’s control and pace gives them the opportunity to connect (or reconnect) to their body with a natural curiosity.
2) There’s no right way to have an orgasm, there’s no wrong way to have an orgasm, there’s just your way to have an orgasm.
3) Discovering this pleasure is for your pleasure, and when we can marry penetration with arousal at your control and your body’s acceptance, it’s powerful and healing.
My favorite way is clitoral stimulation with just the presence of a finger tip right in front of the bottom of my vulva/entrance to my vagina. This “teasing” combined with the clitoral stimulation with a vibrator for about 15-20 minutes will bring me to a great orgasm which then makes me yearn for vaginal penetration. Then, it’s game on fucking with the vaginal sucking method Betty mentions. This brings us both to the next climax and after that, I like to continue the clitoral stimulation for another strong orgasm(s).
Betty did a great job with the design of the Betty’s Barbell — very well thought out from the weight of the medical grade metal to the two different sized balls on each end for preference to the couple of ridges that can also be felt during use. I learned that weight of it is probably one of the most important factors, as it keeps it in place (unlike many other types that the vaginal muscles will typically push out).
I’m not a fan of anal penetration but I think it’s because I feel like I get enough reward from vaginal penetration and clitoral stimulation that I’m not seeing the value in risking Bacterial Vaginosis or unnecessarily stretching out my asshole/risk of permanent damage for a certain pleasure (when I feel I find plenty of it in vaginal penetration). My words of wisdom I’ve shared more than once: “You only get one anus – take care of it.” I don’t knock it for those who like it, I just don’t seem to be part of that pleasure group.
Penetration to me is an act of trust due to the submission that has to take place in order to be able to successfully enter, even if the woman is on top. It also feels like a circle of energy between you and the person you are connected with but it’s within this vulnerability that more sexual pleasure can be found. Penetration for a woman isn’t sexually stimulating because of any certain amount of nerve endings being stimulated like the clitoris, it’s a mental state of submission that excites the entire body due to what you’re surrendering to in your mind.
All women can orgasm with the right support, education and stimulation — this feels like the core values of what Bodysex is. All women can orgasm with 1) support: a nonjudgmental space saved for all women and their possible prior experiences of shame, guilt, or even self-degradation — 2) education: learning is knowledge and knowledge is power— learning the female anatomy and all its variations plus the female sexual response (vs. the male) offers women the opportunity to recognize their differences that are not wrong, just different and less known— 3) stimulation: once the first two are implemented, then the learning from feeling it all without judgement can begin.
In my own personal experience, it was shame on how long it would take. As a young, sexually adventurous girl willing to find an orgasm at any opportunity I could (and never was concerned about how long it might take) vs. being a sexually active teen/young adult/older adult until I learned to speak up, where I was comparing my timeline with that of my male partner — I gave up what I knew for what I thought they wanted (and not at their blame, how would they know if we didn’t/don’t tell them)?
This article reminded me so much of the show “Mad Men” and Anne was like Peggy Olson – so aware of the unrealistic bullshit and not willing to play along but instead, call out the truth. It’s unfortunate for Anne that she received the threats she did and what’s more disheartening is some of those threats probably came from other women. She gave every good argument as to why Freud’s theory made zero sense but she was ahead of her time— no one was ready to listen. Now still, there are plenty who don’t want to listen but there’s plenty more who want to be educated further. Although she wasn’t long in the fight for truth, her words are historically accurate and a large part of the battle, and clearly, she inspired Betty. Ripple effects matter — I think that’s important for all of us to remember.
The key piece for me is the importance of understanding that with practice (experience and time), all women are capable of orgasm. This one piece of information helps to begin the shedding of many barriers so that the learning can begin.
So many were relatable – it’s amazing how many young girls figured out the running bathtub faucet water trick. I would use the pool jets if swimming during the day and then this method at night. But to me, I really enjoyed the story of the woman who flew all the way from Hong Kong, never having had an orgasm prior, had her first orgasm with Betty coaching her, and then Betty encouraging her to keep going- spending the day together with great success. After that, it seemed like she was orgasming like she had been doing her entire life— just goes to show the powerful impact of a strong and supportive coach.
A common misconception is the timeline for orgasm for women — many try to pair it up with the orgasm timeline of a man and then they both get impatient and frustrated.
I started to explore my body and without parental deterrence for as long as I can remember. In my youth, I learned what an orgasm was after discovering the water jets in our swimming pool. I was young enough to still be uninhibited with my discovery and described it to my parents and older sister as my “relief.” To me, a full body orgasm is a release of sexually built-up energy that feels like either amazing waves of stimulation and force (or sometimes, it feels like the energy bouncing back and forth from the center to ends/up and down my body) all the while my heart is pounding which seems like visibly through my chest (next time I’m going to look for sure because I’m pretty certain I’ve noticed it before). After it settles down, I feel a certain pause with nothing but comfort and peace. (And then I typically want to do it again).
