@emilyiverson
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I feel like basically all of my blog posts are about some version of self judgement and the reconciling that inside myself. It took me a long time to realize who I am attracted to and I spent some years trying to deny that, ie trying to be straight. Because who I’m attracted to is varied it just took me a long time to discover that I could go towards the people who stirred my loins vs the people I was “supposed” to be attracted to. Stepping out of self judgement is a whole other way of being in the world! Not that I’m perfect at it, but I have a sense of being normal and having a place in the world now that a younger me lacked.
I would like to experience a group spanking and or bondage scene. This could go a lot of different ways. I’m interested in learning how to use a flogger and be a better top. I also love being spanked, when the mood hits me (hehe).
I would like to get more public with my BDSM. At least I think I would. I run into my body saying “nope” with certain people though. I’d like to visit a dungeon or have a group sex experience that also incorporated spanking and bondage. Currently, Flynn and tie each other up and they spank me but I just get a weird feeling about taking this desire out into the open.
I’m coming at this backwards I think. One common misconception about non-kink is how little consent and conversation is used. Kink on the other hand involves lots of talking and negotiating and consent. Though the common idea is that kink is abusive but actually, it’s our overlays of straight/heterosexual life put upon us unconsciously that lacks consent and negotiation.
Throughout this training I’ve had the picture in my mind of those of us who are holding the space and container for pleasure as a very high office of respect and support, modern day temple priestesses. I feel passionate about releasing ourselves from grind culture and patriarchy and learning the skills to welcome in pleasure, one orgasm at a time. And I feel honored to start doing this!
I feel like I’m rewiring my brain to understand that paying honestly for sex acts is honest work. It’s more honest that being a wife, like Betty said. But I’m needing to shed some views and judgements that I inherited that I don’t believe but that I can feel unwinding from within me.
I’m so excited by Barbara’s work. I can’t wait to dive more into it! Her inspiration of how she developed it stood out to me.
I have very little experience with tantra but what I do have is bad. It’s been mostly men telling me, “I’m into tantra” and me turning them down because it felt like they had ulterior motives.
I don’t think tantra is bad, I think people prey upon folks with vulvas and that’s what’s bad. I also feel that our current lack of understanding in how AFAB and female genitalia works gets funneled into “tantra” and we get told that we need to be focusing on vaginal orgasms or making our own lubrication, or overcharged for workshops and services for instance.
I found Bodysex because I was looking for spiritual sex practices.
I was SO excited by Barbara Carrellas’ work and I’m excited to learn more.
It makes us afraid of our longings, desires, and lust, etc. And people who are afraid are easy to control. The slut stigma reinforces female and AFAB repression through fear. Us losing our community through banishment or abandonment, shame or stigma attached to our (natural) desires, what a terrible price to pay. Who gains from us feeling this way and what do they gain?
Education and awareness. What is the slut stigma, where is it coming from, and who is benefitting from its being in place? From there we can begin to choose how to deal with its affects within us individually.
I absolutely LOVED hearing Betty and Carlin discussing sluts and sluttiness. SO good!
I’ve had a few different 3-somes and would like to have more. The hottest 3-some I’ve had was with 2 other vulva-havers and as I was building up to orgasm a housemate knocked on the door. He wanted to join in but we said no. I was just held there in this rapture of pleasure and almost over the top of the orgasm (I’m not quite explaining this correctly). It was so hot!
Also, the Bodysex Erotic Recess was a happy place I could’ve spent, not gonna lie, several days enjoying fully. It was SO hot! I can’t wait to be back in that space!
I wrote about this before but her work feels very dear to me. I’m in a spot with my own relationship where I don’t exactly know where to get support from.
I feel like CNM (conscious non-monogamy) is my way of being in my life but it’s hard to find resources and support around that.
I adored the interview!!
Flynn and I have recently opened our relationship. We are both nonmonog people but made the choice to not date others during the the lockdowns and pandemic. We both feel very committed to being in a non-monogamous relationship and supporting each other in this. And………….. I’ll speak from my own perspective, it’s bringing up things I don’t know how to work through. We have this friend who’s a therapist that boasts specialization in poly/CNM couples and they happen to be married to one of our dear friends and treats them in a way that is NOT SKILLFUL. They don’t actually feel like a reliable resource to lean on. I feel like this is something I need support around but there’s no way for instance that I would ask this person for support.
I am not naturally a monogamous person but I have an overlay of monogamy given to me by my culture that I keep bonking into. It’s been very hard. I’m reaching out into the unknown about this for support.
For now, Flynn and I have decided to read The Polyamory Paradox together and take notes and approach it kind of like our own private book club (as opposed to working through it alone). I have been trying to read the available resources on my own but they’re sparking this trauma response (and I don’t use that term in a glib or trite fashion) within me. I want to process through this and I agree with Dossie Easton. I am just also needing support around the work it’s taking to get there.
His chart looking at how primates have sex, how much, where the testes are located, penis size, that whole chart was super cool. I paused the video and just stared at it for a bit. What I learned from it is that humans have a place with our primate cousins. What that did for me was place us within the order of things here on the planet.
This was a hard interview to get through for me. It’s not that I feel Shlain was wrong per se but he seemed to simplify everything down into the binary, masc and fem, right brain v left, etc. It’s not like that makes the other stuff wrong but it felt like he was still operating within the patriarchal system and trying to comment on it, whereas Sex at Dawn and Chris’ interview didn’t feel like that to me.
Applying my anamist brain to this what I would say about this work is that it points to the fact that humans are the only Earth creatures who can choose to go against their true nature. A tree can’t choose not to be a tree. A lion can’t not be a lion. But humans can choose to kill unnecessarily or to close down their hearts or to not be in their true human nature. The lecture points to this over and over but doesn’t acknowledge it as such, in my opinion.
