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Betty, how did you not care about what others thought? (Her “skits” with her younger boyfriend!) and how did you not have debilitating fear, given how out there you were? I know you pushed people to just do it — how can we encourage ourselves now?
I left with the sense of just how much she was in the driver’s seat. Her stories about the art gallery owner and FBI agents — how she did not back down — it was amazing. I was also very surprised just by the quantity of sex she was having! The section on group sex was pretty amazing to me — to think of open sex in a pre-AIDS time — to me, feels unthinkable now.
Chico state — it was interesting to see this in the context of the other video footage — such as the Aspen’s Women’s Week when she was so at ease and having fun. In the Chico State video, she is talking very fast and has SO much to say. I’m imagining that she felt the push to download as much as possible. It felt as if she were an amazing open book for the audience. And that she shared so much information. I found myself wondering what drove her and also, in all these videos, see that she likes the stage and is such a character!
The Yale had me feeling defensive. I wondered if Betty was a spectacle for them, since the questioners clearly didn’t know her work. It was a more hostile environment at least from some of the audience. I found myself wishing those students had taken this course so that the could really appreciate who was talking to them. As she would say “That was some BS!” And yet! She strode right on through and stayed on message and said her piece!mShe might also say that they were probably listening and tucking it away for later — let’s hope! And even though I was feeling defensive — she always seemed to have a really good time. Amazing.
Betty was so driven; She had so much power of conviction. I can feel the force in her as she goes from one experiment to the next. All very single-focused. She was not attached to the what she just knew the how (of wanting women to be connected to their orgasm.) I cannot imagine being such a strong voice in such an unsupportive general cultural environment.
I can’t think of much new to say in response!
I’m imagining that those women at the talk felt the same way I feel about Betty — grateful for what she gave to them. I love what someone said above — about gratitude on the personal and societal level. I personally feel Betty gave/is still giving women something that has been withheld–a greater of self worth.
I don’t know what happened with N.O.W. But one could guess the the conference was too “out there” and would have gotten backlash if repeated.
The piece I love seeing is “Missionary Position.” The way that they are both looking at the point of penetration reminds me of some very intense moments I had with a lover. This lover made a video so I could see “what he sees”– it was so intense for me to watch. With him, I started watching *live*, like the woman in the drawing, and connecting more with with what was actually happening with our two bodies. It was like being awake and present and energetically equal for the first time during partner sex. This drawing feels like it could be of those moments, it brings me right back there.
I loved all of it. The writing feels so current. I think Carlin said “She was ahead of her time, and still is,” is so true. I want to work to bring this work into the NOW.
“The way women are made to conform to this sexual double-standard is through the deprivation of sexual self-knowledge…” (page 36)
“Deprived of a sexual relationship with ourselves, we are easier to manipulate.” (page 4) I felt these statements. I felt some anger and also some relief at having found my way to this material, even if in mid-life. I bought this book in my 20’s at Good Vibrations because I was too embarassed to be anywhere but the book section. I held onto if for years (often turned it around so guests couldn’t see the title), and re-bought it to read this time around. I was so happy to finally read it and finally take it all in, and feel how celebratory it is. In the past I felt shame (“Sex for One” how sad!) and never made it through. Betty’s voice is so clear in her writing. I felt so encouraged by her!
I got teary when the women were all together naked and masturbating in the final segment. That they were all comfortable enough with their bodies to be in the film and that they were all brave enough to be in the film. I couldn’t believe they went for it and I also felt indebted to them. “Thank you!” I felt like I was receiving the self-affirming care I needed and didn’t get–these women were that circle, the one that passes body-love to the women next in line so that they too can have healthy, happy lives. Thanks to each on of them, their smiles are still in my mind’s eye. Special thanks to the older women–their presence helped to resolve the upset in me and all around me about aging. I just couldn’t believe it. I loved that Betty owned her body at 83, that she was masturbating and that her cunt looked just as sweet as every other woman’s there. That surprised me!
I didn’t feel any resistance when watching. I did see that someone commented on Betty touching the women when assisting them with genital show and tell — I’d be curious to know if other group leaders do that!
Bodysex is a process to that reconnects women (and vulva-owners) with their vulvas so that we can return to being whole, complete beings. Bodysex normalizes of vulvas, gives women appreciation of vulvas and teaches techniques of self-pleasure. Bodysex gives each woman/VO a sense of herself/themself as a powerful sexual being and flips the script on who is in charge: We are!
