@j-chaplin
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This was a fun activity… using a sensual experience of being naked at the beach in the sun with a slight breeze, it was really easy to close my eyes and build on the feeling and take the feeling into a fantasy that then escalated through the second part of the activity… unsurprisingly, I then took some time out to lean into the fantasy during masturbation for delightful results.
<p style=”font-weight: 400;”>I feel very comfortable with my experiences, attitudes, and emotions about sexual fantasy and its role in my sex life. I feel like that might seem I am not looking at myself hard enough… but the last 2 years of my life, and why I am doing this course and going on to the Coach accreditation is because I believe in the value or a healthy and creative sex life for all!</p>
I lean to using my fantasies when edging and having a longer and slower masturbation session. I have used fantasies for masturbation since my 30’s and have not found it necessary to fantasise in partner sex since becoming single… if a sexual partner is not someone I can eyeball and talk about what is on the table sexually, then they are not someone I would have sex with again…
My fantasies include rough sex, gangbangs, multiple penetration, group sex and power and dominance – both ways are my key fantasy go to topics…
Off limits for me… scat, underage, incestuous relationships, rape and bestiality – none of which do anything for me.
<p style=”font-weight: 400;”>By the end of the module I have found that when it comes to my (usually twice daily) masturbation practice that I have so many more options at hand than I had been using.
Living by myself means I’m never interrupted in person – although I sometimes don’t switch my phone off.
My sessions can last anywhere between 20 minutes and 90 minutes – depending on whether it’s a quick stress release orgasm I’m after, or whether 90 minutes when I am applying the range of techniques I knew and have learnt during the course this and previous modules. I love dildos and external vibes – not a fan of internal vibes – and use a variety on different occasions. On occasion I enjoy double penetration with dildos and the vibe. The best new addition to my practice is the rock n roll and edging – bloody brilliant!
The biggest difference between the learnt masturbation techniques from the course are that I do not enjoy adding oil to my masturbation process. It makes it messy in a slippery, hard to hold my toys while playing kind of way. I seem to get so wet that I don’t need it and if I do I prefer lube to oil.
Realistically – the three keys changes are with respect to using the rock’n’roll in masturbation – I seem to have been doing it naturally during partner sex.
The second is the introduction of Pillow Fuck as a masturbation position – I definitely want to make my self a pillow using dense foam that can hold my vibrator in place in different positions so I can have it higher than a standard pillow.
And the final shift is the introduction of edging which I am so glad I leant into.
And leaning into letting my fantasies run wild while edging, in particular, is much more enjoyable than watching porn that I had used regularly historically.
This topic is, has been, was the first time I have been at odds with what I have experienced in the course to date.
As a person who has learnt from her early 40s about squirting – thanks to an osteopath – who knew about the spot – the urethral sponge and how it would activate the desire to release – I have been comfortable with my ability to do so.
I have been very upfront with new partners about my enjoyment of squirting as a response to stimulation. During the last year or so – prior to commencing the program, I didn’t think too hard about where it came from. But with a lot more masturbation, I noticed – particularly when I was dehydrated that my squirt was indeed light yellow in colour which was indicative of its source. Given Betty and Carlin’s expressions of distaste in the video about squirting (the one that referenced squirting as a parlour trick), I think it’s worth noting that I use a ‘splash blanket’ during sex and it gets washed after every play – whether I squirt or not… it’s much easier than changing the bedding and my lovely bedding stays fresh for sleeping.
Over the past week (May 2025) I have seen some great anatomical explanations about squirting and its sources. The holes that release prostatic fluid on either side of the urethra seem to release different coloured (clear to whiteish) and amounts of fluid during stimulation… and there seems to be a number of different factors about how much or how often I can squirt. I was glad to hear Laura talk about her experiences of squirting which intimated that more than a teaspoon of fluid was ejaculated from her body during stimulation.
In edging this week, I have not stimulated my urethral sponge directly – only my vaginal opening and clitoral glans and around the vulva generally. Even without the release of squirting (urethra/prostatic wise), I have been extraordinarily wet from my vagina and the glands that release lubrication there.
My biggest issue with the section on squirting was of Betty’s dismissal of it as a ‘parlour trick’, that it’s gross, showy and unpleasant. That it was a fake trick in porn (of which I agree – porn has a lot of misinformation to answer for!) Knowing that she didn’t squirt herself had me reflect on the connection between her not squirting and her opinion about it. I understand her concerns about the separation of penetration and the male model of sexual pleasure and that of the female… and her opinion on the myth of the G-Spot and that it is the urethral sponge that gets stimulated and stimulates the underside internally of the clitoris. This brings me to ask how, if the clitoris is being stimulated and squirting occurs and PSA fluid or pee leaves the body whether or not this would this not be considered an orgasm. I know the two could happen independently, but Betty seemed so adamant that squirting was not great or perhaps even real, bothered me… perhaps influenced by her dislike for females being subjected to the male model of sexual pleasure.
I am very curious about the difference of opinion about squirting between Betty, Deborah, Carlin and Laura. Curious and interesting.
<p style=”font-weight: 400;”>Either way, it’s been the only time I have experienced a dismissive and judgmental opinion from Betty about any experience, and of one I enjoy.</p>
<p style=”font-weight: 400;”>If an orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm is release and squirting through sponge stimulation and the release of pee, is release, can that not be considered an orgasm if the underside of the clitoris is stimulated at the same time?</p>I used to think edging was just a male thing – that it would only benefit the quality of male orgasm – that because they need longer refractory time to recover after ejaculation… it made sense for them to prolong the pleasure as long as possible.
The thinking behind this is that as a woman who experiences multiple orgasms that why would I edge when I can just have more and more orgasms.
Being a committed student (insert goofy grin) to the course, I of course did as instructed and practiced the art of edging. I am now a wholesale convert and even feel a tad evangelistic about it.
My first deliberate edging session was only last night. And ofc a repeat this morning was required. I didn’t take as long this morning as I did last night but the difference in the intensity and quality of my orgasms last night and this morning were delightfully and exponentially better than an orgasm I knock out as quickly as I can – or even a more relaxed but go over the cliff on the first opportunity have been.
So glad I leant in. I can wait to see what a difference it make in partner sex and both of people’s experience of more intense orgasms for me. I have definitely been part of guys edging but now… I’m on it for myself!
I used to think that aftershocks from the autonomic systems were additional orgasms – But I let go of that in earlier modules when it was explained. I feel like there’s a strong connection between attitudes to sex and the ability to be multi orgasmic. I think that those attitudes run into socialisation of females who love sex and have it often and/or with various partners get labelled sluts. I think it’s the so-called sluts who are most likely to be able to connect with and experience multiple orgasms more readily.
I love my ability to be multi orgasmic and make the most of it alone and in partner sex.
And I echo Tosh Paterson’s <i>thoughts</i>
It was helpful to hear Betty emphasize the importance of having first orgasm, then continue pumping PC muscle, doing rock and roll to encourage body to stay with sex energy…this way it’s easy to stay in the moment and catch the next orgasmic wave. That tidbit/ method is very helpful for my own practice.
The use of a rock to masturbate was new – as was her starting with a pen… but on reflection, as I was starting on my kink journey – and didn’t have any toys then, a partner rummaged in the kitchen and came back with a bread board and a wooden spoon and both were perfect for impact play… so it makes sense that using whatever is at hand… or what creates a meaningful connection (rock to nature) is a perfectly great thing to incorporate into one’s masturbation practice.
I can’t point to something specific in Orgasmic Women so much as in the entirety of this Lesson… Having seen the different ways of masturbating/positions to masturbate in I will be adding the Pillow Fuck for sure.
Without looking back at my notes first, the first thing I remember noticing /hearing was about how the participants enjoyed their partners watching them masturbate. I thought as a sample size it was skewed by their willingness to be filmed while masturbating… they had to be ok with it by the nature of willingly participating in this project. It correlates for me that many women – think lights out – are not comfortable even being seen during the act of sex… so having their partner watch them masturbate could be very uncomfortable. Having had a lot of day time sex lately, I have recognised the importance of and connection with a woman’s body self image and a willingness to be seen in the cold light of day and then following that line… being willing to have sex in the light, let alone masturbate in front of a partner.
More generally, although on reflection I did/do know – what stood out was the diversity of different ways that women like to masturbate and that early experiences influence later patterns and preferences. Again, stuff I’m not surprised at – the doco just helped bring it front of mind… Just as so many parts of this course is doing!
The amount of shifting positions was another thing that stood out… That’s not something I do a lot. I get comfortable and lean in…
It was such a wonderous joy to watch Betty masturbate… the conversation that she had to camera (Carlin and Lawrence) was disarmingly and heart-warmingly honest… that’s sorta just how she rolled, right?!? …her candour about her concerns of being filmed at aged 85 and whether she would orgasm was fascinating as the advocate of sex for one she was through so much of her life. The vulnerability shown is something that I feel is so important to keep front of mind when moving into coaching in the Bodysex method.
After listening and reading about Betty’s uneven and long right inner labia it was great to be able to see what she was talking about. The idea of trying to masturbate only on her left inner labia to even them out was a delight.
And, aside from the fact that Betty at 85, looked more like a 65 year old woman, seeing a woman of her age masturbating was a beautiful thing to me. I do wonder about what my younger, less aware self might have thought about watching a much older woman masturbate… but being nearly 60 and as sexually active and adventurous as I am, I am really taken with the notion that I can keep masturbating and having sexual partners for the rest of my days as I so choose. Orgasms are forever… in utero and all the way through the different stages of a human’s life is an important thing to talk about – loudly, frequently and widely.
I’ve learnt that the power of the rock n roll combined with PC contraction and breath work is amazing… it blew my mind… the resulting orgasms brought about tears and laughter – joyful delight in the enhanced intensity of orgasms when masturbating. It also relieved me of the need to watch porn as I would regularly do.
I’ve also let my fantasies be far more broad ranging after starting the reading of My Secret Garden. I have also used those women’s fantasies to enhance my masturbation orgasms.
FANTASIES: Interestingly, I watch a wide range of porn and have been fine with that breadth of diversity – but that diversity was lacking in my fantasies as I realised, I’ve been quite judgemental about what is or isn’t OK when I am generating my own fantasies, which I think I have judged harshly and cruelly – a great relief and openness to let loose has settled. So too hearing that just because you fantasise about it, doesn’t mean you actually want it to happen to you. That’s taken a little bit to get around in my own mind…
I am most comfortable on my back, heels planted and using the rock n roll. Essentially, then adding vibrator, dildo for penetration, lube for extra slip and slide and breathing to deepen the experience would be the fav choice. But I think doing the Pillow Fuck for variety would be a thing too. I really enjoyed it.
And I’m curious about…
In one of the articles about masturbation styles I was really interested in the Hole Lot of Fuck and am going to head off to a store that sells dense foam to create my own “sex saddle – even if I have to experiment with it a lot. Once I have that sorted I want to then see if there is a great one on the market that looks/functions like the one I create… it’s like the carving of a zucchini to check what kind of dildo appeals…Having written my answer, I have come here and read everyone else’s answers and I agree wiht all but one… they are just not one’s I had been exposed to but agree they can mess with self pleasure…
Here’s my answer:
That masturbation is a second rate option for desperate people who can’t find someone to have sex with them.That masturbation is pathetic and sad. That its wrong and you’ll definitely go blind and grow hair on the back of your hands if you touch yourself.
Funnily, I feel like these myths are the ones that harm male masturbation practices more than repressing female sexuality.
I feel like the myth that would be most pertinent to women is that we don’t masturbate… therefore it could stop many women from both masturbating or enjoying masturbation as a self pleasuring practice.
Further to that is the extension of all the male focus myths that women would then be depraved harlots and untouchable and un-marriageable if they masturbated. Great way to deprive women of pleasure or make them feel less for choosing their own pleasure.
Attitudes passed on about masturbation…
Family – parental – no memories about its inherent goodness or naughtiness at all.
Siblings – my brothers called me a StKilda Slut cos I went ice-skating in StKilda which was a suburb known for its prostitutes then and now… it was definitely a bad thing to be called a slut by them… fuck that has me pissed off at them today… my perception after all these years is maybe that they – from school – Christian boys school had them suppressed and so their desires about sex and me being bad was projected on to me and how I seemed to be enjoying myself – even non sexually. They were the ones who really made me feel improper or wrong for enjoying things or even trying to explore… weirdly, I don’t think it stopped me doing anything – it just made me hate being around them.
My sisters never have talked to me about it… even as adults. I don’t have contact with them any more so that won’t happen.
Friends in teenage years – the boys delivered the duality of slut or frigid if you masturbated – it would’ve seen as being desperate and slutty – I felt like you couldn’t win from a reputation perspective – but none of them deprived themselves of an opportunity to touch me in any way they were brave enough to try (given that they likely know nothing but talk) … and those that didn’t have the opportunity were known to trash talk and lie to boyfriends to tell them what a slut I was because I’d already slept with them too
I think society left me largely unaffected in the doing of masturbation but prevented me from talking about it openly – cos that would mean I was slutty or promiscuous or uncouth … go figure!
These days, doing the course, being menopausal, nearing 60 I am just genuinely lacking in any more fucks to give about society’s standards on talking about pleasure in the domain of intimacy and sexual pleasure.
