@j-chaplin
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The same issue about being too sex, orgasm, pleasure focussed and being thought of as perverted, deviant or less because I want too much (whatever that means to anyone who is not me)…
The more I recognise it as a story that I feel resistant about, and keep writing about it the less it’s bothering me. Getting it out of my head and on to paper, the faster it is seemingly diminishing. It’s definitely a value that was implicitly and explicitly reinforced in various phases of my life.
(A) Growing up – there was an acceptable gender divide about nudity in my family. Mum would wear a house coat (like a dressing gown) from bedroom to bathroom and Dad would walk to and from his bedroom to the bathroom naked. It was just how it was… on reflection, Dad was quite the exhibitionist… bugger – a lesson there is, that once I hit my mid-30s, I’ve never wanted to be like my dad – in fact have worked hard to be the opposite – so that seems to be/have had an influence on how I feel about nudity and exhibitionism. Talking openly about my sex life, and wanting more exploration and experiences is something I would described as exhibitionism… in my mind it’s just safer (What is safer?) – but possibly it’s just a little more socially acceptable… or not!
(B) As the seventh of nine children in a house with one bathroom – growing up, at least two siblings were bathed at the same time – rarely with supervision and I wonder if later occurrences in the sexual domain between my siblings were influenced by this freedom of bathing (and water saving!)
(C) Catholic education might be another influence. It was hardly repressive but both at primary and secondary school modesty for girls and polite, approval-driven behaviours were put forward as the gold standard – until about Year 8 – aged around 14/15 – when my classmates and I were encouraged to stand up for ourselves and go after what we want. I think how aligned my home life with that approach was, definitely helped reinforce that as a preferred way of behaving for me. I think my classmates who don’t lean into the same space likely had very different home lives – and for plenty of different reasons.The realisation of the link between my dad and exhibitionism seems to have been enough to see a significant shift in my mind set and behaviours. A friend had been asking me to go to an adult cinema with him and I’d not been keen… but with the clarity about my concerns of being like my father – I went last night. Had sex with my friend in the cinema – but I was a little disappointed when there wasn’t anyone else there… but someone did turn up and masturbate and watch us play and I was really turned on by it… want to definitely explore that more! Resistance definitely minimised… I’ll watch for where that story turns up elsewhere in my pleasure spaces.
After reading the comments here – I feel like my answer is superficial… but how could anything in Sex for One be considered superficial – otherwise it wouldn’t be in the book, right? So my answer stands!
Share something that stood out for you while reading Sex for One and why it’s meaningful to you. It can be a quote, an illustration, a paragraph, a story, or a chapter. Please reference a page number, if possible.
Given that I listened to the book – there’ll be no page references… Chapter 8… Orgasm, Orgasm, Orgasm… is the one that stood out for me… it was great to be able to read (listen to) the book and I took more notes in this chapter and noted lots of questions to ask myself and that I’d like to pose to other women to better understand them, where they’re at and their relationship to orgasms…Orgasm is an Orgasm is an Orgasm
I liked the way Betty talked about moving through her experiences of orgasms and how she explored dealing with the sensitivity she had earlier on and what she did about leaning into more – particularly the expansion of extremes of sensation – hot and cold exposure and using breathwork to deepen her capacity for increased stimulation for better orgasms.
When thinking about my later in life discovery of vibrators (mid 50s – my hand had served me very well up until I was gifted a whole lot of sex toys when my sexless marriage ended by a highly sexual couple I know – VERY well.
I was taken by Betty talking about never falling in love with her electric vibrators – and all the ways they were just there for her.Similarly, reframing multiple orgasms as serial orgasms was a great reframe for me…
- Was there a moment from the video that stood out for you? Why was it meaningful?
The side by side nature of Betty’s presence in the Genital Show and Tell – is that a level of comfort and experience that is borne of her long time association with the work? Was it partly due to the prior experience of participants? Betty’s willingness to touch others and point out their differences was meaningful in so far as it just wasn’t a big deal – and I liked that differences were celebrated and people were really interested in how Betty would use a label to describe the style of each woman’s cunt.
- Did you feel resistance while watching. while watching the Bodysex Documentary? If so, what is your resistance and how do you plan to work through it?
I think the difference between the acceptance and love in the documentary and my personal self-assessment of shame – for being “too” sex positive – I noticed is something for me to work on… finding the balance between not overdoing my excitement for sex positivity so much (especially as I immerse my self in the Bodysex Associate Coursework) that it overwhelms people. My enthusiasm for what is possible for women and not letting go of that for fear of other people making their judgements based on their own discomfort in this space is something for me to work on. That something I’ll ask some close friends to observe and give feedback on, knowing that each of them come with their own self assessments. I acknowledge the tension between going whole-hog and allowing the space for people to willingly join a conversation when the time is right for them…
Each of the important learning periods and lessons and topics and careers I have involved myself during my life are always things I feel strongly about – especially in the early stages of learning in each domain. It’s the evangelical thing Laurie (Laura?) talks about in one of the audio pieces I’ve listened to a number of times.
I love this definition with my substitution… Bodysex is about maximising and expanding what I have recently taken back…
<p style=”font-weight: 400;”>In one sentence… I think Bodysex, for women, is is about comprehensively connecting to the pleasures of the body, in and through self-love.</p>
I wrote much more initially. I wanted to write about what it is for women and for me personally as I think it’s helpful for me to write about this in the first person.
So…
<p style=”font-weight: 400;”>Bodysex is about being open to and embracing women’s orgasmic pleasure in ways that feel comfortable and acceptable to themselves. Bodysex allows women to willingly lean into their power and vulnerability, in turn, and simultaneously. It’s immersing women in their right and the honour of being truly connected with their body in the most pleasurable of ways…</p>
and for me…
<p style=”font-weight: 400;”>Bodysex for me is about embracing my orgasmic pleasure in a way that feels comfortable and acceptable. It will see me more willingly leaning into my power and vulnerability, in turn, and simultaneously. It’s immersing myself in the right and honour of being truly connected with my body in the most pleasurable of ways and being part of supporting as many women/vulva owners as possible to have the same experiences.</p><p style=”font-weight: 400;”>In one sentence… I think Bodysex, for women, is is about comprehensively connecting to the pleasures of the body, in and through self-love.</p>
I wrote much more initially. I wanted to write about what it is for women and for me personally as I think it’s helpful for me to write about this in the first person.
So…
<p style=”font-weight: 400;”>Bodysex is about being open to and embracing women’s orgasmic pleasure in ways that feel comfortable and acceptable to themselves. Bodysex allows women to willingly lean into their power and vulnerability, in turn, and simultaneously. It’s immersing women in their right and the honour of being truly connected with their body in the most pleasurable of ways…</p>
and for me…
<p style=”font-weight: 400;”>Bodysex for me is about embracing my orgasmic pleasure in a way that feels comfortable and acceptable. It will see me more willingly leaning into my power and vulnerability, in turn, and simultaneously. It’s immersing myself in the right and honour of being truly connected with my body in the most pleasurable of ways and being part of supporting as many women/vulva owners as possible to have the same experiences.</p>
