@j-chaplin
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The sex related thing is the Tantra Breath Work – and I have already started using Barbara’s instructions for the breath and energy orgasm exercise… I think I need to record it so I can walk my way through the exercise until I am proficient.
AND!
I think the most obvious one – especially given this is the final module – is to actually be in a place where I am working and earning a living from sex work/Bodysex work.
The next step is to undertake the Coach Accreditation Program and complete the Bodysex Workshop in Nov 2025.
I have also engaged a strategy coach to help me focus on the most effective ways to move forward in the Bodysex Education work.
And as part of this I would also like to explore sexual surrogacy.</p>
Definitely have judged others and been judged by others – I remember the feeling rather than the incidents so much… I like to kiss a lot of different boys in my mid-teens and as a result when I found someone important (as being 17yo) – and gave my virginity to him – before I had – a whole lot of guys at his school had said they’d kissed me when they hadn’t and one even said he’d had sex with me – the feeling of needing to defend myself reputation to him stung a little – but the guy who lied was punched in the face the next day and no one said anything after that. I feel like in my teenage years – more of that probably happened with guys and girls behind my back… slut shaming cos I got what I wanted and wasn’t ever embarrassed by it. And hindsight is a great gift now that I understand why people talk shit about other people – the jealousy of wanting what they have or how they are prepared to live… so now, the repressive, conservative judgement sits with the repressed conservative not with men…
And the external judgement definitely impacted the likelihood of judging myself – when I was more willing to accept others’ judgements as fact or when the person’s opinion mattered a lot to others or more than my own opinion about myself when I was younger.
And interestingly, judged normally shows up as a negative… but as I write this today, I have realised that while on the journey of working through Bodysex and becoming a sex worker/educator, so many people have shared their opinion that they think I will be fabulous at the work… so I am truly grateful for those people who have shared that judgement…
I am all good with sex workers consciously choosing sex work as a way to earn an income. The only issue I have is the women who are forced into it and have no freedom or say in their working life.
I really railed against the level of judgement that the woman who wrote to Betty about sex workers laid at their feet. I understand that it says far more about the woman making the judgement than any thing else.
Three pieces stood out…
Ryn Pfeuffer says: “If sexuality is viewed as a commodity I may as well wield it… on my own terms.” I love this, because it’s a woman taking control and choosing of her own free wil as to whether sex work is for her or not.
Margaret St James says – a prostitute just rents her body – a wife sells her body for marriage…. And given all the data that exist on the overall health and enjoyment stakes for married women – I would rather sell my body than marry someone… But I can also just take as many men as I want as lovers.
And the whole end of the article really summed up the attitude that has been prevalent for too long.
“It became clear why monogamy didn’t pose a serious problem for that many men. The double standard allowed them to pick a virginal type of woman for marriage and children, while they enjoyed sex with the “bad girls,” beautiful mistresses, and prostitutes who’d learned how to be good at sex. These men got to maintain respectable images of being faithful husbands and fathers, admired by the community. Meanwhile, sex workers were socially ostracized and forced to live outside the law, without any legal protection or social status, as they continued to provide the only sexual joy in the lives of billions of good old boys.”
This paragraph speaks directly to all I dislike about the patriarchy… and the double stands men get cut and women are punished for.
That kink is dirty or perverted seems the most common myth or misconception to me… and even some people starting in the scene will talk about it being dirty or naughty – the idea of doing kink things that are deemed dirty, or naughty can seem like the kink in and of itself.
I think cultural conditioning and repression are why the misconceptions exist.<
My truth is that as long as people are consenting and can cease play at any moment – nothing to do with sex and sexuality – up to and across the kink spectrum is neither dirty or naughty… it’s all fun while it’s consensual and boundaries are respected. There are still plenty of kinks that I am not interested in currently – but that doesn’t mean it will always stay that way – and none of my kinks push into an illegal space – so I’m all good with the change of choices people have in that legal kink domain.
I have been playing in the kink space since January 2024 and have been on a continuous learning journey exploring all the things I was interested in to start. What has become evident is that as I have been leaning into different areas, things that I once was not in any way interested in are now things that I am starting to explore in various ways.
I’ve played across the group, event scene, bondage and impact play… love playing with the power and control exchange and am very switchy. I have a wall of kink related toys and enjoying supporting others to get introduced to kink in safe ways and play out some of their fantasies in a safe space.
The similarities of the Bodysex arousal enhancing activities are deeply aligned with Carrelles’ Urban Tantra approach to a breath and energy orgasm. It means that the two concepts are sympatico when supporting women to be more orgasmic. And that using the tantra breath work to fill the tank, means that I can then apply the Bodysex focus on the clitoris to significantly enhance orgasms by spark flame to a full tank.
And wounded healer as a notion hit hard on many levels… my wound is rejection: being adopted (rejected at birth), and the theme continued through life – largely unaware of it – but it drove much of my aggressive/self defensive behaviour in hindsight. And even when I became aware of my wound it still would go to ground sometimes. I’ve only just realised that I also felt rejected by my former partner of 25 years as he was not interest in sex – so coming out of that marriage made me focus on getting the pleasure I let him deny and I accepted … the pleasure I now know I deserve.
I think the best thing that can be done to help end slut stigma is for women, particularly, to own their own enjoyment of sexual pleasure… to say thank you when being called a slut… as well as, to talk to as many people about it as possible. The idea being to normalise the idea that women like good sex with great people as much as men do, that it’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about . Ending stigma is about helping others to understand that it’s the differences in others, and the things that others don’t have that they want that cause them to belittle others.
Slut stigma and shaming is all about controlling women’s autonomy, and a woman’s right to choose her way of being sexual in the world, of seeking pleasure for pleasure’s self. Whilst the negative connotation remains, women will either limit their experiences (until they learn better) and/or hide the enjoyment they derive from sexual freedom.
I have shared orgasms in a group of three… I have immensely enjoyed watching others climax from being in the same erotic space and it definitely ups the ante on my arousal levels and makes my own orgasms more enjoyable. I would happily enjoy orgasms moving forward with increasing numbers of people I know and feel comfortable with.
I am really looking forward to the experience of the Erotic Recess in the workshop and holding them in my home.
I think the most important piece about my learning and awareness from this lesson has been just how far I have been able to step into a new way of being in relationship and a fully sexual being through this whole Bodysex experience to date… and that I’ve also been able to notice where the longtime conditioning about monogamous kicked in as recently as the last four days and how, I could see what I was doing when it was happening – ie saying I was open to a monogamous relationship to keep someone in my space… only to realise on reflection that I was not prepared to give up my new found conscious non-monogamous way of being and that it was ridiculously unfair to engage in a relationship with someone who openly declared that they wanted a monogamous relationship. I felt like that was a huge step in awareness and living ethically and consciously in my new sexual open orientation.
Dossie and her totally pragmatic approach to life and ethical sluttery was totally engaging…. So much so that early on in the talk I purchased the book to read…
Her Definition: An ethical Slut has a celebratory and adventurous approach to sexuality, and to owning their own sexuality. A slut shares her sexuality like a philanthropist shares their money. It’s like the Tom Cruise movie line – You had me at Hello!
I feel really connected to the idea that the ethical slut possesses a high set of ethics (JC advocacy of the rights of people to enjoy their sexuality) that makes this sustainable… through open and honest communications. That ethical sluts are interested in care and connection.
It’s startlingly obvious to me know that I heard Dossie talk about it/say it and so … love this:
“We can love more than one person – so why can’t we have sex with more than one person?” And I add, especially when I am usually not in love with the people I am having sex with… for people to be ongoing fuck buddies or FWB I want and need to enjoy their conversation, their personality, values, shared understanding of the world, their humour and to have some level of connection with them in addition to sexual compatibility, sex and body positivity.When Dossie spoke about this… it resonated deeply… Under repression there’s that underlying risk of being punished by God in the religious construct…
… Then she talked about intelligent people think, wonder and question things including sexual status and orientations and alternative life styles. [Also of interest was the dude in question time that levelled a pandering to the crowd aspersion… when I believe she genuinely acknowledges that intelligent people see , interact and questions the social and cultural norms and rules better than less educated or intelligent people. It does sound condescending – but two things can be true.]And I’ll finish with her thoughts on jealousy, why it shows up, the different ways it shows up and how ethical sluts can manage it. Ultimately that way of thinking fits with my philosophy that I don’t want to be with anyone who doesn’t want to be with me… and another’s poor behaviour or comms is on them and I can take it as a bullet dropped.
This information had landed at a point in time where a perfect storm of issues of love, sex, misogyny & internalised misogyny, in the next generation have been front of mind… so this lesson has been a great coming together of old on new learnings, attitudes and values.
The Dawn of Sex study with respect to human nature and non monogamy is the biggest for me… that bonding through sex was vital for nomadic tribes and that monogamy is a modern choice stemming from the agrarian age supported by church, culture, property ownership (including women…) and the patriarchy.
Rachel Hill’s words/response (above) also seems to have captured my thinking on a few other topics…
“One myth about human sexuality is that humans evolved to be monogamous and have sex only to procreate. There seems to be substantial evidence that the opposite is true. Some of the evidence against monogamy and procreation is the flared glans of the penis (plunger theory), female copulatory vocalizations, and women’s ability to have multiple orgasms, and women’s ability to have sex any time during their menstrual cycles. It seems as though the need for monogamy rose with agriculture.”
The list of new things is long. And I’m pretty sure an ongoing review of the concepts will be required to get more than I did on the first watch…
ONE: Self Reported Straight Women are seemingly more influenced by society’s sexual norms and repressive conditioning.
Different sexual stimulus given … hooked up to genital blood flow and a how turned on they were with the video by their own judgement. Gay and straight men matched themselves and the dials. Lesbian for women – matched actual and self-reported arousal. But hetero women responded blood flow wise but only said they were socially attracted in only culturally appropriate ways – straight identifying hetero women overly conditionedTWO: No other animals’ females have the inordinate death rate that human females have been subject to in evolving to manage the size of a human child’s skull with such a large brain. And that those brains have adapted to staying the same size whilst managing increasing learning and brain functioning to occur outside of our physical form.
THREE: The Attribution of the rise of SA and violence against women linked with the men who feel threatened by the re-emergence of female rights.
So we’ve seen an increase in violence and SA against women… DV sex and violence in films – a massive shift in the rise of the feminism and fall of the masculine.
