@soulflower
Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Betty, I’ve learned that connecting with the Goddess through orgasm was important for your self-love journey. Have you ever had a deeply meditative high from an orgasm that showed you a vision/message that stuck with you your whole life? If so, what was it?
Something I learned that was impactful for me, was when Betty talked about how she became an author. She shared that she had received a bunch of checks and didn’t know what an invoice was. She decided that it was too complicated and told people that if they wanted a copy of the book to send in cash, and people did just that. I admire her ability to make things work for herself. It’s a reminder that sometimes it’s good to look at the outcome and be flexible with the path of getting there because in the end, she still sold her books.
I really liked that Betty leaned into her strength as an artist. What I mean by that is, when she was deciding to hold the workshops at her place, she decided to remove all of the furniture. In her interview she shared that, in doing that, she was starting with a “blank canvas”.
So, I admire the fact that although, she was venturing into something she hadn’t done before, she used her strength of seeing through the eyes of an artist, and continuously used her natural gifts to support the intention of the group. I also admire that she spoke about her journey through sex while maintaining an equal approach in the sessions- sitting on the floor with everyone was important to her.
Chico State Lecture:
What resonated with me was when Betty talked about how she was seeing a psychiatrist during her marriage. She shared in the lecture that she felt that her husband and the psychiatrist had made her out to be obsessed with sex and that there was something wrong with that. Betty had stated that she got nothing out of seeing a psychiatrist- nothing more than what she could have gotten just by talking to a friend. This really resonated with me because I value the ideology of peer support and the Bodysex groups share similar ideals. I honor the journeys of those who have gone through the educational system to get their degrees. I do also think that there isn’t a one size fits all solution for the challenges individuals face, where psychiatry works for some people, for others it may not. My point is that, from what Betty shared, it seemed that she wasn’t getting a need met and didn’t feel heard when she expressed that even to a healthcare professional. I have many thoughts about this but I’ll just say that this is an example (to me) of why the BodySex work is so important. It allows us to explore with support and not someone saying something is right or wrong or that one’s feelings are invalid.
Yale Lecture:
What stood out to me was when an audience member asked a question about over-sexualization in culture. The question itself annoyed me because it’s like balance doesn’t exist at all. We’ve spent years not talking about sex and are experiencing the repercussions of the lack of information going about. Now that people are talking and sharing information, why does it have to be a problem? To me, the scales are just tipping back where they’re supposed to be. It might sound harsh for me to say this but, where is our intuitive guidance to be able to say, “hmm, this doesn’t resonate with me so I hear you, but no thanks” or “hmm, that looks interesting, I’d feel comfortable trying that or listening more”. I loved Betty’s response in which she basically said, no one is being strapped down and forced to watch anything. My main take away from the lecture is that people in the audience were thinking from a “this or that” perspective. A woman had even asked why have partnersex if masturbating is enjoyable. It just makes me wish that we gave ourselves the permission (more often than not) to choose more for ourselves when possible.
Why do you think that the women in the audience give Betty a standing ovation at the end of her Split Beaver slide show?
I think that the women in the audience gave Betty a standing ovation because she was showing different ways that women’s genitals can look. I believe that was helpful and empowering to the feminist movement since many have struggled with wondering what their genitals look like, and if it is normal to look the way that it does. I think her showcase of artwork might have touched the women from a relatable point of view. I also think that, despite people not being able to agree with all of Betty’s views, I think they could all acknowledge that the Split Beaver slideshow was about and for women- that seemed to be a sentiment the audience could all stand behind.
Why do you think this was NOW’s first and last sexuality conference?
Although Betty got a standing ovation, I don’t think most people were ready for the waves Betty made. She mentions often that, “women are proper” and that shows when the woman from the audience expressed her dislike of the word cunt. All of Betty’s vibrators sold, but it seems as though she was the only person there speaking of pleasure as something to be relevant in the feminist movement. Even though women were interested, it still wasn’t a topic that was “proper” during this time. That’s why Betty couldn’t even call her showing Split Beaver.
Betty’s piece “Mother and Son”: https://www.dodsonandross.com/fineart/mother-son
evoke thoughts and feelings within me the most. When I first saw it, I initially felt anger and then after sitting with that, I felt empathy. The anger came from the idea that women do so much and I wondered what I have gotten in return in my life. The empathy came after staring at the man… He looks like he desires guidance and love. I think those are relatable desires and that I shouldn’t be angry with him for that.
The piece ultimately, makes me reflect on the many roles and responsibilities of the woman and wonder if it’s fair.
Betty shares that she had sex with men and women as well as attended orgies.
I identify as a polyamorous being, although, the relationships I have entered have been 1:1 monogamous. The resistance I have with Betty’s story is that I don’t know how to fully explore that aspect of me without feeling like I am being unfair or greedy in some way. I seek companionship and freedom at the same time and don’t know where the line is.
Something that is helping me with this is clear communication and honesty with my current partner about fantasies that arise for me. This is giving me a sense of boundaries between us that keep our relationship safe as well as clarity on whether I am truly safe to be myself.
Another thing that helps me is giving myself the permission to live life for me (as long as I am clear with my intentions with others). I don’t want to suppress my desires so I’m giving myself the permission to follow them but thought-partnering ways to honor that safely with others.
“My healing began when I stopped defending myself and embraced the label.” Betty Dodson (PG.96 on Kindle)
This is very thought-provoking. I think labels can be helpful and harmful. On one hand, they can bring a sense of community and identity. On the other hand, it can put us into a box of “if I am this then, I cannot be that”. I think with this quote from Betty, it models that acceptance invites freedom. When others place labels on us, we have options. We can accept their meaning as intended, create our own empowered meaning, and/or challenge ideas through normalization.
- Was there a moment from the video that stood out for you? Why was it meaningful?
- Did you feel resistance while watching the Bodysex Documentary? If so, what is your resistance and how do you plan to work through it?
I felt resistance in the genital showing portion because I have a sensitive clit. When I saw the women open, spreading, and touching the area, I cringed the same way I do when a lover goes to touch me there. I am quite anxious about my clit’s sensitivity and feel the over-stimulation is extremely uncomfortable. What helped to ease me is when Betty said that exposing a sensitive clit to more touch will help. I also had never taken an in depth look of other women’s genitalia. I watch porn but mainly notice pubic hair and the vaginal opening. As I continued to watch the documentary, I felt myself beginning to admire the uniqueness of each.
I was curious and challenged by seeing all the women lay on their backs while masturbating. I have never had an orgasm that way (only on my belly and without a vibrator). It was helpful to see one of the women turn on her belly because I never saw anyone else do it that way, especially not in porn. This was a meaningful moment for me because I felt inspired to try masturbating the same way the women did. I couldn’t reach orgasm but felt I learned more about my body. The vibrator drys me out and feels too intense so oils and layers of cloth help when trying that method.
To me, Bodysex is about learning ourselves. This is done through holistic healing practices of masturbation/self-exploration and expression. I feel Bodysex promotes connection (with self and others), acceptance, and understanding of human nature allowing us to live a more harmonious lifestyle without shame, guilt, and judgement.
