@soulflower
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Physically, my vulva felt aroused. Mentally, I was intrigued/interested. Emotionally, I felt joy that I spoke aloud as compliments while viewing. I also felt a bit overwhelmed trying to remember the signs of each type of vulva. The one I can remember easiest is the clam shell. But I managed the overwhelming feeling by reminding myself that I can look and study them as long as I’d like and that no two vulvas will look exactly the same.
I learned why the clam shell is most seen. I hadn’t considered that you can see the penis easier or that it appears bigger due to this Vulva type.
There are many things I can do but the one that I’ve been leaning into more is dancing burlesque. I dance for myself and allow my body to move in whatever way it would like to. When I first started practicing this, I felt soreness. I was confused because I wasn’t doing choreography or anything like that. But I realized that I was opening up my body in places I hardly acknowledged like rotating my shoulders, belly rolling into my lower back, and letting my arms flow in snake-like movements.
I enjoy leaning into this tool because it is helping me acknowledge different areas/zones of my body while loving them with sensual touch.
Carlin’s body appreciation mediation was helpful for me and I’d like to add more of it into my routine. I have these hairs that grow on the sides of my face and chin. I pluck them with tweezers or shave them when they become too noticeable. The sign that I am becoming aware of them (as they grow in) is that I will start to pull at them with my fingers all throughout the day. I was doing that when I started Carlin’s meditation and when I began to soften into feeling my chin and cheeks, my attention went from needing to remove the hairs and just being present with them. I will still tweeze and/or shave them but, adding more of this practice can help me focus on being present and appreciating versus pulling/scratching things I don’t want on my body.
- I love your jawline and the shape of your head. Your head is not “alien shaped” instead, quite natural and unique- I admire it. I love the aroma of your pussy. The flatness of your feet is beautiful. Your hands are soft and soothing.
I don’t have experience with an STI but I do often acknowledge that I am fortunate. No matter the number of times, I have had unprotected sex. Sometimes it came from not knowing how to say no and other times from wanting to experience the pleasure.
I’d like to use this space to release judgement of my past and current self with the understanding that she was following her desires or unable to communicate. All I can do is practice being mindful/intentional and giving myself grace as I do.
What I found interesting was Carol’s share about Planned Parenthood. She said that the women’s movement mistakenly turned over leadership to organizations that aren’t feminists. She shared that their goal is to limit babies not to restore power to women. I found her thoughts intriguing because I have received information about that organization that leads me to agree with her; they have their own agenda. To address her comment more fully, I think that some organizations/companies are predators because that is how they sustain themselves. It is hard to know who is really pulling the strings and what the real agenda is behind the scenes. That is why knowledge is so powerful in terms of how our own bodies function and the underlinings of societal interconnectedness. Everything is woven together and I feel this whole movement is about unweaving webs and re-pathing them with love.
I think it would be helpful to practice open-mindedness to prevent judgement while outside of an individual’s situation. Perspectives change once we experience an event for ourselves. Even then, our experience will be unique to us, possibly relatable in some ways, yet still unique. I think most people focus on the topics of life, death, and religion when referring to abortion. However, scientifically, it is important to assess the state of the mother and the environment(s) surrounding the child. A mother who does not want her child will carry emotions in her body throughout her pregnancy that will impact the chemical make-up of the child’s development. Knowledge, community, and financial support given to mothers and parents are important as well.
I honestly haven’t thought too much about it because I’m more of a go with the flow type of person. I do feel or think that I’d have a feeling of grief about no longer menstruating. I would love to not have the fear or anxiety around pregnancy but I’d also miss my ability to create life in that way- probably because the choice would be taken by nature. I am optimistic though, about learning more about the new version of me in that phase.
The misconception I’d like to write about is the lack of correlation between circumcision and manhood. There’s a societal message that normalizes circumcision as a sign of manhood. It has created judgement around those who are uncircumcised. I believe that circumcision is unnecessary and sends shameful messages about bodies at an early age. I think being born with foreskin is normal and a natural aspect of the penis. I am so happy that Carlin shared her observations about the neighboring baby. Although, I am saddened that he experienced unnecessary pain and was shushed while expressing that feeling. I have heard that the foreskin has more nerves that makes intimacy and sexual interactions more pleasurable. To me, this procedure is a way to silence and stigmatize pleasure under the disguise of it being a proper representation of being a man.
It also makes me think that if something isn’t “pretty” then we discard it as a society, despite it being a natural part of bodies. I don’t think it’s fair to normalize a decision like that when the baby is unable to consent. I had a relationship with a man who was uncircumcised. He shared with me that he would like his (future) baby to be. This saddened me because he didn’t want his child to experience the feelings he has around his own body. To me, it comes back to that societal messaging and maybe some experiences he’s had, that has made him feel a way about his foreskin.
I don’t have an answer for this one. I think healing is an ongoing journey but I’ve already worked through my relationship with my menstruation. I’m sure there is something still to be worked through, it just hasn’t come into my awareness yet. The work I had done so far was re-framing my mind around menstruation. When I was a teenager, I used to wish I could die for a week and then be brought back to life when it was over. My periods were so painful, heavy, and interrupted my sex. Once I understood my true power of creation, I fostered a much better relationship.
I honor my body during menstruation by calling out from work, resting in bed, making specific teas (one is to restore iron, the others are for calming pain), using a hot pad, using a CBD salve on my skin, and propping my feet up on pillows.
I’ve noticed that within the past year I’ve become more sensitive to sound. I’ve had to purchase ear plugs to go to the theaters and attend events with a lot of people. I’m actually grateful for this because it helps me bring more silence into my life. I always had music playing, TV running in the background, and all types of things going on. But with this change, it has led me to “go offline” and have more quiet in my life.
A change that my body is always experiencing is weight loss and gain. However, there was a time when I had lost 116 pounds. At that time, I had the societal belief that in doing this, I would look “better” and “be healthier”. But when I looked at myself, to me, I looked sick. I went from a bra size C to an A. My booty was so flat that I experienced pain from sitting. The first thing I did to help me navigate this experience was every time I thought that I looked sick, I re-framed it to “I am healing”. From there, because my weight loss was due to extreme restrictions of food, I slowly practiced balance by slowly reintroducing foods while listening to how my body felt about it.
I am still building a relationship with my hair. I think this is a struggle for me because I am actively unpacking societal messages about the way my hair should look. In my culture, I grew up utilizing perms and straightening tools to flatten my hair. As an adult, I realized that was quite damaging. With my hair being so damaged, I used my first paycheck to buy a wig. After years of wigs and weaves, I then decided to loc my hair (“dreadlocks”) as a way to help it heal. After about 4-5 years of growing my hair back, I shaved it all off and that is the way that it is now. I’ve struggled with how to take care of my hair and how to feel beautiful without wigs and weaves. Shaving my head has helped a lot but initially, I was worried that I’d look like a man. Ultimately, although I have struggled to connect with my hair throughout my journey, I am interested in what it can teach me.
I think nudity is important because clothes and accessories can be hidden behind as a way to feel beautiful. The workshop is about leaning into curiosity and exploration in order to get to know our bodies. I think trying to do the workshop in clothing creates a barrier between ourselves and our bodies, but removing them opens up an opportunity for vulnerability and authenticity.
I know that I am grateful for my orgasm because it brings me a pleasurable and magical experience. It has also helped me get through years of depression. But, I have uncertain feelings about the method I use to reach orgasm. It’s through this course that I became aware that other women masturbate on their bellies. I thought I was weird for that. Now I know it’s okay, but I do feel like I’ve missed out on time I could have spent exploring massage while on my back. I feel confused about why I didn’t have a curiosity to explore my own body until now. But, I won’t shame or judge myself for that because I am enjoying doing so now.
