@susansearing
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I would like to explore mutual masturbation with my husband. We tried it briefly and he was so masculine when I saw how he handled himself. It was a huge turn on for me, but for him, he felt it was a waste of a good orgasm. He prefers coming inside of me. Also, exploring Tantra and BDSM are interesting to me. We are going on a couples retreat that I have recommended Simone put on as a way to explore our sexuality as a couple. She is working on a plan. I can hardly wait!
I have worked hard to not take things personally, and truly love myself with no regrets. I present toys to women as a way to not settle with their sexuality or orgasms. I do, however, fear I will be judged when I present Bodysex as my passion. I have worked years with elderly clients, many from a Christian school and church and want to thoughtfully have a plan when presenting this or “coming out” when I retire from my day job. I would like to say, I just don’t care what others think, but a part of me does.
I would like to release prior thoughts that sex workers were prostitutes and that that was not a good thing. They are so much more. They are varied in passions and helping others to feel sexy, loved, orgasmic, held, adored and more. Sex workers are educators and needed. I can now salute sex workers, because I am one.
I never thought of myself as a sex worker but if that’s what Betty calls Bodysex, I am in! If teaching, celebrating and encouraging sex alone or with a partner for money is sex work, then that’s ok with me. If working on helping someone with their sexuality even for free is called sex work…then I am going to work it to the bone (pun intended). I have no feelings one way or another about those words as they actually have a fun ring to them. Yes, I am officially a sex worker!!
My misconception about Kink or BDSM was that it was scary. I experienced a role play of a man’s hottest sexual movie through Zoom (a sex coaching practice) and I enjoyed him guiding me visually in my mind, with a collar around my neck and then to my knees. I looked up at him and he was pleasuring himself. He crossed the line and it was not comfortable for me. I did not share that I was not comfortable with this and allowed him to continue on as I did not want to hurt his feelings. Not communicating was a lesson for me in a virtual world. I am glad I went through this practice to know that I do have a voice and when used properly, with someone I know and trust, that I can communicate what I am and am not comfortable doing or experiencing. I also discovered I enjoy being controlled with bondage and someone I trust. I work hard, advising others on a daily basis and letting someone else take over is so refreshing for me. It is all about communicating before even starting and having a safe word or just expressing when things get uncomfortable and when things are enjoyable. Communication is key. This is so much of what has gotten me to teach self love first and then being able to communicate how I want to be loved.
I have utilized BDSM and kink very openly with my husband. Some cuffs, chains and leather restraints were a part of our play. I do enjoy it when he dominates as I am someone who advises all day and can use a break with someone else taking over the dominant role. It is a turn on and refreshing for me.
I am curious about Tantra and feel I do incorporate breath and clenching in my orgasmic practices now. I feel if I take more time and work through my chakras and then try to clench after 30 quicker breaths that I might travel into another area of orgasm. This will be a practice of mine with my next masturbation session.
Barbara’s statement that orgasms clean out our systems resonated with me as it became an ah ha moment. I have lost weight and am keeping it off and am blissful in doing so and relate a lot of this to having orgasms. Many of my orgasms include breath and clenching and holding. It was so beautiful to read that I am already practicing Tantra and didn’t even know it.
I have a small group of friends whom I get together and with for happy hour. We share about our orgasms, vibrators and self pleasuring ideas and anything else we want to celebrate in a circle of trust. One of them tells her friends I am her sex coach. I have also started talking with my 12 old granddaughter about sexuality and encouraging her to feel free to ask me questions. I purchased a book that I showed her with the title “It’s Perfectly Normal,” and encouraged her to take it home and look at it and then we could discuss it together or offered to go through it with her. It celebrates anyone who is sexual and learning about their bodies and how wonderful they can be. She chose to go over it together, which makes me feel proud.
The slut stigma is what makes a woman feel “less” in my opinion. Not being able to celebrate sexuality, orgasms and the joy of wanting and having sex the way we want to have sex is not only repressing but depressing. How wonderful it would be if we could just encourage and celebrate self exploration and sexual expression in any fashion we want without the fear of being shamed.
My Bodysex group orgasm was a beautiful experience for me. I felt so free and delighted to share my orgasm and celebrate the orgasms of the other women. I brought an additional toy for my friend as she had never had what she called a g-spot orgasm. The dual suction and g-spot vibration and freedom to let herself relax, breathe and enjoy was mind blowing for her! She yelled and just about fainted and we all encouraged her to go again! How awesome to be able to share and celebrate orgasms together without actually touching one another. It was an indescribable joy for me that I want to be able to provide for others without shame or guilt.
I have really opened my eyes and mind to non monogamy in the last two years through sex and relationship coaching courses and Bodysex. I am open to the idea and playing around virtually however l, I have monogamy ingrained into my being and am ok with that. It is just not something my husband wishes to explore. Am I curious, hell yes! Do I feel I could support others? Hell yes, by learning to guide others to self soothe for 15 minutes if triggered allowing them to accept and see and feel things more clearly and to maintain constant communication. I do feel if I were in a new relationship, I could travel this route, but for now, it is just not for my husband and I respect that. We have the most amazing sexual relationship through being open verbally and through sexual exploration. As long as we continue to keep it spicy, I have no desire for another partner.
I really took some time to digest her talk. She reminded me so much of a cooler version on my grandmother. I loved that she feels jealousy is a trigger that can create feelings of insecurity, territorial behavior or abandonment. This stimulus causes emotions and can create a physical reaction that hijacks our system and messes up our sugar system. She encourages you to accept your system has been hijacked. To care for yourself by resting for 15 minutes and your physical system will reset itself to normal in a positive and supportive way, allowing you to come back and see more clearly. When we do this and self soothe fibers grow into our amygdala which helps to get you off of the imbalanced thought train.
I love the idea of being in community while raising a family and taking care of each other. This would have been a beautiful way to live. Perhaps monogamy is not all it’s cracked up to be. Shame and repression has grown and I would like to help debunk those thoughts and feelings by creating a community of acceptance and love.
I found this lecture hard to get through. The thing that stood out for me, and I hope it was from this lecture, was that there were several fathers. A woman slept with a funny man, a smart man, a good looking man, etc., to get all the traits for her child and not one man was considered the father. It was all of them.
