@tamaraleonard
Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
1. I really enjoy my neck kissed and rubbed.
2. I need to orgasm first before getting into any deep penetration.
3. I enjoy giving and receiving, I like to do those where I can focus fully on one or the other.
Responses:
1) Rachel – I can definitely do that, I love that you were so clear with what you want me to do exactly. I’d like to do that for you. Feel free to remind me in the moment of what you want more or less of and I’m on it!
2) Emily – yes! Slow penetration when you ask me to assist is something that I’d love to do for you. You take the lead when we get there and I’m all in!
3) Esther – Yum! Tell me more about how you like your breasts caressed – gentle soft skin touching or more deep squeezes like giving a massage? Perhaps before we play you can guide me through how you like this done exactly so in the moment I can be a good lover and do it just how you like
When my partner and I were very new in the swinger community we had an experience that we found ourselves in because we did not communicate what we wanted and did not want to hurt the other couple’s feelings, so we sacrificed our needs for the feelings of others. It did not turn out well. We learned a lot from it and we at least were in it together and were able to process down together what happened and how we got there, and how we would never allow ourselves to get there in the future. We decided together that our sexual needs are more important than the feelings of another couple and we will not stay one second longer in a situation that either of us felt even the slight bit uncomfortable (regarding boundaries). It has worked well for us since and we can laugh about the experience now.
<ul class=”wp-block-list”>
- How have the concepts of “run the fuck” and “fucking can be foreplay for masturbation” challenged or shifted your beliefs about and/or participation in partner sex activities?
I enjoy knowing that I have the confidence to communicate with my partner what I need, what feels good and what I’d like to do while sharing sex with another. There is a very decreased emphasis on fucking in my relationships and it is all about sharing orgasms with one another and assisting each other. While 69 position can be arousing as a play activity, it’s not something that we use all that often anymore because of being able to focus on each other’s pleasure – more of a turn taking. We both communicate with each other what the person needs when it is their “turn” so to say – with the understanding that one is a giver and a taker within the boundaries of consent. The simultaneous orgasm is definitely a myth, although with my female partners we can orgasm near to one another – we all have different build up times so it really depends on if I’ve started first (it takes me the longest to build up out of all the women that I currently consider play partners). Running the fuck for me means having the confidence to say what I need at any given moment when I am building up – which could mean me taking over physically or me being very clear with my partner what they need to do to assist me when we are in a segment of our sexual play that is about me experiencing my orgasm/s.
I have a few regular partners right now and masturbating with them is a core essential in our knowing of each other. Through this I can understand their facial expressions, what it looks like as they are building up to an orgasm as well as can study their hand techniques and what they like to go to. I find that it is a very important part of understanding each other but also having ownership of one’s own body and orgasm. That I can play next to and be responsible for me while your actions on yourself and your sounds inspire me as well. When with my male partner it does sometimes end with penetrative sex after I have had an orgasm, he enjoys feeling the spasms of my vaginal canal after I’ve had an orgasm. Which I like that too because that filled up feeling is wonderful and I can then go for another with my vibrator.
There was a period of time that my job was super stressful with the number of cases I was handling and I wasn’t handling my stress well. At that time we had to have some serious discussions about our sexual life, what that was looking like for us and how we would handle it. I would get upset if he would ask me to masturbate with him because I was so stressed out and it caused issues in our relationship. We were able to discuss an open relationship arrangement that worked for that period of time (our relationship was already one of a swinger-type) and I released myself from feeling guilty that I wanted sex less than him and I then was more empowered to enjoy sex at the times I wanted to and he could also do the same within the arrangement we came up with together. It was a wonderful turning point for us and we no longer have arguments about sexual appetite.
No changes for me – but confirms that using my vibrator during penetration is how I like to orgasm with partner sex. That the sex act does not stop when a man orgasms, that sex stops when both partners are satisfied – and even if sex stops with the partner, we are all responsible for our own orgasm so if they needed to leave for whatever reason, we are self-sexual first so we would just continue. It’s like going to a restaurant. If my dinner date had to leave and take a phone call I wouldn’t immediately throw away my food. I’d continue eating and if they had time to come back and finish their food, that’s their perogative, or they may want to box it for carry out. I don’t then need to feed them their food later, they can choose to warm it up and eat when they are hungry.
The main take away I’ve experience is that partner sex is a sharing and that you don’t give someone an orgasm, you share an orgasm with them. That mutual masturbation before any partner sex and talking about what turns you on/off and how you like to masturbate is an amazing foundation when adding new partners to your life.
I realized that I am not creating as much fantasy in my mind and I am more focused on the sensate experience as the majority of sex that I have is in group sex and voyeur situations and it fully encompasses my fantasy – when I am masturbating I do visualize someone coming in to penetrate me, replacing the barbell, but it is light in comparison to taking over the experience away from just being in my body. I really enjoy being in my body and pulling up mental pictures of previous sexual encounters I found to be very arousing. I do also enjoy sometimes to watch some porn – but it is really for the flirting and the setting up of the scene/oral play, once it gets into fucking I’m really not that interested. I think that is why I liked the bondage scene from the full Erika Lust movie I liked so much – I also watched one where a couple met another woman in the woods and they were talking and flirting and sex didn’t start until after they got back after showers – there was at least 20 minute buildup, I don’t even remember the sex part although I know I watched the whole thing.
I enjoy visual and written erotica – the audio has not been as hot as I need to find some actors that I can get into – what I explored was a little too campy with the acting. I personally enjoy power differentials and role playing – student/teacher, coach/athlete, boss/secretary, yoga instructor etc. I make a lot of videos that explore my fantasy concepts and I really enjoy acting in them.
I wish I knew the name of it – it is a movie made by Erica Lust that is a woman moves into a new apartment and she inadvertently realises that the man upstairs is a professional domme, and through her snooping she got herself stuck in a closet in his apartment by snooping around and him coming back with a client. It was the hottest scene – the rest of the movie was ok, but it was that scene with the domme play and her turned on in the closet that got me.
I loved reading the Anne Rice vampire diaries growing up and they had their own edge of sexual tension throughout. I also read Diana Galbaldon’s Outlander series way before it became a Starz series – I found both of those in my early teens and read them throughout.
It was a story about a man and his girlfriend read from his perspective, the story read in the direction that he had to figure out who his girlfriend’s tits were – it was hot with all of the blindfold play and how the women were taking charge with him. I liked that aspect of the story that he had to do all that they said or he would have to leave. It was consensual and enjoyable for him, but the women were the ones taking charge. I cant remember the name unfortunately, I closed the page before looking at the questions for today! It took me over an hour to read it but Im glad I made it to the end.
The one that Betty drew that had all of the women in various levels of self pleasure, cuddling and sharing pleasure/oral with eachother. I thought that was a perfect group of friends and would be an amazing experience. They all looked so relaxed and happy that it appeared that they had already been there for hours and that they had no plans of getting up or leaving.
I found that I was going into creating public fantasy scenes of in changing rooms at the mall, out in a car, other places that you could almost get caught – I usually am really not into outdoor public things -I’m always scared of cops rolling up and arresting me so its hard for me to enjoy going to play in the car somewhere … so it was wonderful to work thorough the fantasy more in my mind and allow myself to enjoy it there.
