@toshpatterson
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I’d like to learn more about surrogacy and read a few more articles; maybe even watch the movie mentioned in the article. I’m interested in the healing power of sex energy and curious about what research is available about surrogacy.
In past long-term relationships, I had sex outside our relationship. I did it to take care of sexual needs and desires my partner wasn’t providing. Despite my attempt to be sex-positive by prioritizing myself, I felt awful, harshly judged myself, and never told anyone. Thanks to Bodysex I can release any lingering shame and guilt; now I understand that humans are not wired to only have sex with one other person (why isn’t Sex at Dawn more popular?!). I only felt bad because society suggests that LTRs are similar to marriage and demand monogamy.
I release the idea that sex workers are less than. Sex workers are human beings filling in the gaps in a sexually repressed world and until we’re all liberated…sex workers will be necessary fabric in society.
I like when Betty said, “we are sex workers who educate women on how to orgasm”…yep, I can raise my hand and commit to that as a Bodysex leader. Considering myself a sex worker means I’m not looking down on other women who do different types of sex work; at the end of the day we’re all contributing positive sexual experiences for the men and women who need support in a world lacking quality sex education.
From my work with the Erotic Blueprints, I’ve learned that people hold a tremendous amount of shame about their kink. It takes courage to both state and receive one’s kinky pleasure. Also, people feel like they’re the only one who likes something kinky but feel better about their kink once plugged into a community of like-minded individuals.
Occasionally I like to be spanked, choked, hair pulled. Sometimes I’ll bite a lover’s arm during orgasm. In the future I’d like to experience rope bondage.
I’m certified in the Erotic Blueprints and the Energetic Blueprint is based on Tantra. In fact, the Energetic is part of my sexual turn-on. I like breathing together (either lying on top of each other), or blowing air into each other’s mouths while fingering or touching. Something about it syncs me up with my lover and although I’m in the physical realm, I can also go into a cosmic plane too. I’ve only had a couple of lovers understand why this turns me on, but this Energetic breathing helps me build up sex energy. It’s also HOT to breathe into my lover’s mouth while I’m approaching orgasm and/or while orgasming…such intimacy.
When Barbara spoke about being a wounded healer — that really resonated with me. It made me think of how, as a leader, I want to be perfect and bury the broken/messed up/fragile aspects of myself. Instead of hiding the wounded parts, Barbara invited me to share and leverage those parts to connect with the people who need my unique POV and teaching. So just as I’m pushing against the beauty myth, I can push against the burden of being a “perfect” leader; I can be wounded and powerful.
To end slug stigma, encourage women:
1) to acknowledge themselves as sexual beings. Explore threesomes, vibrators, and any/every thing that feels pleasureable!
2) to share their sexual experiences (abortion, number of partners) in sisterhood without shame
3) to love their body and stop covering their body/ judging themselves so harshly
Slut stigma keeps women in a posture of guilt and shame for exploring sexuality. Also, the slut stigma discourages women from breaking sexual rules so women try to live up to unrealistic norms in an effort to NOT be considered a slut. Common examples are: “a good Christian woman dresses modestly” or “a woman is wife material if she’s had sex with a handful of men”…these are based on slut shaming.
In college, I had a threesome with two guys but no orgasm. I’ve experienced group orgasms with Bodysex and an orgy. During Bodysex I felt safe because the group was exclusively women; it was a liberating experience being myself, making sounds, and receiving inspiration from what other women were doing.
Whereas the co-ed orgy was fun, new, and exciting but overall it felt performative. I remember feeling so self-conscious during the orgy. Plus I only felt safe being with my boyfriend and didn’t want to have sex with anyone besides him. When I look back on the orgy, I wasn’t ready for that experience because I was still chasing romantic love but my boyfriend was embracing sexual variety. It was hurtful for me to see him, the absolute love of my life, having sex with someone else.
These days I’d be interested in a co-ed orgy; this could be an introduction to exploring sex with women. I like Betty’s concept of having a core group of people who kickstart the orgy…maybe it’s time to look for some orgies…or even host them. Hmmm.
I had an A-HA in this lesson. So it’s common for couples to discuss giving each other “a hall pass” for a celebrity crush, or for women to “gift” men a threesome for a milestone birthday; I think these exceptions allow monogamous couples to play outside the rigid lines of marriage/long-term commitments. A ‘hall pass’ or threesome is in fact giving into human’s true/natural state as creative, curious, communal sexual beings.
Personally, in my own relationship, I’d like to open it but my husband is resistant. After this module I understand how men, as well as women, get swept into the standard narrative that marriage is the best and only option; now I have compassion about my husband’s resistance because he doesn’t know it’s possible to successfully live outside the marriage narrative.
Something that stood out was when she said, “We’re not taught sexual abundance and that you can have/maintain more than one loving relationship”…so true! This statement caused me to think about how culture traps both men and women into a belief system that monogamy is the gold standard and the only way to have a relationship. By removing any other option, the result is tremendous sexual repression throughout the culture.
One social myth about human sexuality is that sex is a sacred act limited to a 1-1 relationship — ideally marriage. Dr. Ryan’s work highlights that “sharing sex is the best way of mitigating risk” because we’re all in life together. When we don’t share sex, it creates huge suffering and false expectations. Also that myth keeps sex about reproduction instead of reducing stress, bonding, and intimacy.
Something that stood out was his acknowledgment of the Black Madonna, as well as other Black Goddesses that were represented in the high Middle Ages until the Renaissance period. Then around the 1450s books became more widely available and people wanted to reach the New Testament. In response, clergy whitewashed the church with the removal of Black Madonna/Goddess art AND removed women. Dr. Shlain’s lecture confirms, for me, that the Bible was written by men, for men to rule, dominate, and control women.
