@ahowel42
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Intentional me time, something I don’t often taken on and or I dismiss when life gets busy. I would love to start going to weekly yoga classes to get flexible again. My body feels stagnant and movement resonates at the moment. Sunshine to my bare skin is also a form of love, energetically charging my cells would be an act of love as well.
My lover is very open verbally about my body and I am so thankful for his openness. Yet I would love to hear “you are a goddess” ,”how may I worship you Devine goddess” & “your essence is my life force”.
I was in my late teens why I got my first STI, my boyfriend and father of my children (pregnant at 17) was my partner. He said you need to get checked, I had a foul discharge that wouldn’t go away. That was so embarrassing, I had no idea about STI’s or how they were spread. I couldn’t tell my mom or even ask her about it, I called the health department and made an appt. It was cold, clinical and scary in that appointment. The results came back and they called me, I had 2 STI’s C&G-WTF at the same time? I was treated w antibiotics and I assume my partner was too. I dont remember ever asking where they came from or how I got them, knowing he was the culprit.
I also found out I was + for HSV2 several days after the birth of my second baby. The OBGYN told me the small tear on my labia was normal and it was just thinning skin. I was 23yo! He was dead wrong. It was a few months later that I got a blister and my sister told me to have it checked, a blood test told me I was positive. The Dr told me it was from a heat lamp that they placed near my vulva in the hospital post birth w my daughter back in 1999. WTF? Same partner-he never admitted or denied being positive. I tested for HSV several times since and blood tests always came back negative, however I still get outbreaks a few days before my period starts like clock work-Im in my late 40’s. It feels like sure a curse sometimes. I get super emotional with a outbreak, it’s panful and stressful. I’ve tried all sorts of antivirals-some months they work and some they don’t.
I had horrible ph imbalance with my IUD’s in my 30’s and early 40’s, I thought my then partner was cheating on me-which he probably was. But I chocked that up to the hormones in the IUD.
I had chronic yeast for a few years and found boric acid suppositories to be helpful for that. I even did a 90day candida cleanse diet-fuck that- sheer torture-no sugar, no inflammatory foods, no alcohol and no fruit except berries-I lost about 10lbs. But the candida came back. Ive been yeast free for years now!
I’ve worked through all the things except the HSV outbreaks get me every time, especially since they come on so frequently.
Bring awareness to what is Intentional Motherhood and what it is not! Education, empower and align women. Create wise women circles and tribes so that we normalize all the wild things that happen to us as women. I love the terminology of Intentional Motherhood-it holds a dear space in my heart.
Hearing Carol discuss Planned Parenthood and how we turned over the Women’s Movement to people who are not feminists-EYE OPENING! I also googled Carol Downer and found a new documentary on HBOmax about an abortion clinic and wow just wow, so touching! I was once at a local midwives house and she had a book explaining menstrual extraction, so informative! Carols explanation of what is a Feminist was so beautiful! Betty’s addition of having power over our own body, owning our pleasure and orgasms was right on!
I also have had 3 abortions, guided my daughter through a medial abortion at home and have supported several dear friends through them as well. This section was warming, empowering and so deeply enlightening. I feel seen, heard, safe and eager to support others.
Im 49 and have been in peri-menopause for 2+ years now. I have quite a bit of symptoms and have been to every Dr under the sun. Everyone wants to put me on birth control and I refuse. I need actual hormones not birth control. I tried progesterone and it caused me to be very depressed, no libido and I gained 10lbs in 2 months. I did however begin to sleep better and have less join pain, but the other symptoms were to big to keep taking it. I also tried testosterone gel to my inner thigh for 2 months and didn’t seem to notice any changes. So I stopped everything. Then my period started coming every 16 days and was so heavy. I self payed to see a hormone Dr and he suggested a ultrasound to check the uterine lining before offering hormones, well that led to another u/s and then a diagnosis of thickened endometrial lining which led to a d&c to check for cancerous cells which all came back negative. What a ride, I started seeing a acupuncturist and my cycles started to lengthen out again. Currently my symptoms ramp up in my luteal phase, I have night time joint pain, hot flashes in my sleep, poor sleep and a sudden drop in my mood-very randomly. Libido tanks in luteal phase as well. I really want to feel normal-what ever normal is anymore. I enjoy my bleeds, however not these heavy ones. I do carry some guilt around so many pregnancies and 3 terminations. My uterus is old and tired and is ready for a break, which is how I feel about my life-old and tired and ready for a break. Being a single mom my entire life has literally drained the ever lasting life out of me.
As a mother of 5 older teens and grown adult offspring. Ive had my fair share of experiences on this journey. Im also a lactation consultant and have been for over 20 years, my total life and career have been based inside these topics. I could go on forever about so many different things. For me- having my first child when I was 17 years old was huge in my family, my baby was biracial. My grandfather knew I was dating an African American and he said we need to talk and took me on a walk down the street and said “you see the red birds and blue birds, they don’t make purple babies”, he turned around and walked back home and left me on the street. Little did he know I was already pregnant with my beautiful bi-racial baby! I went on to have 2 bi-racial babies and 3 Mexican American babies-just to prove to him that all humans can procreate! We have united nations in my house and I love our diversity!
I was working in a OBGYN office when I was pregnant with my second baby and walked into the lunch room and a OB Dr was talking to the nurses and said “women cant have babies without epidurals, they just cant”. Well I knew right then that this baby was going to be born with out a epidural just to fucking prove him wrong. I declined all medication and pushed her right out on my own without an epidural just to prove to him that we as women are strong and can. I went on to birth 3 more babies with out epidurals at home. Because why would I stay in a system that is set up to fail mother’s.
I have stories for days about Breastfeeding in public and keeping my boys intact and refusing vaccinations etc. Im so passionate about all things pregnancy, birth and motherhood related.
The past several months I have entered late phase of perimenopause and have experienced significant heavy bleeds, filling a “over night” pad in 1.5-2hrs time. I have a sense of guilt that I treated my uterus frivolously with lots of pregnancies and terminations and if I would of took ownership of my womb that maybe she wouldn’t be so angry with me right now. That’s quite a bit of guilt to carry. I have some work to do around this feeling. Rather I can thank my womb for all the life it’s created and send my womb love and light and gratefulness rather than feel guilty for previous choices.
I honor my body in all phases of menstruation from the luteal phase to actual bleeding phases. I tend to have more orgasms in the luteal phase and become very intuitive and creative. I tend to create and design ideas for my business during this phase. A few days before my bleed i am so turned on by life and take several partnered orgasms a day. When I begin bleeding I use period panties and free bleed. I also honor my bleed with organic cotton tampons and period panties. I will take the first day of my bleed slow, read, watch a show and or hang out with family/partner. I increase iron rich foods, eat my breakfast in direct sunshine and bring on a state of rest and relaxation.
A change in my body that I feel gratitude for is my breasts. I had breast implants for 18 years that made me extremely sick and unable to eat much. I lost 40lbs over 2 years and became deathly ill. I had them removed in 21′ with a lift. At first I struggled with the loss of my larger breasts and accepting the smaller more natural size. Since I’ve gained weight in perimenopause my breasts have perked up and are so full, lush and soft. I am thankful they nourished my 5 babies with warm milk and are now perky and full.
A body change that has been difficult for me is the slow gain over the past 2.5 years of 20lbs. I’ve always been about 155-165lbs my whole life and since I entered perimenopause I’ve slowly gained weight that I can not get off with out starving myself. Which isn’t an option. My arms have gotten larger and I do not like to see pictures of my big arms. This sounds ridiculous and I have no idea where this thought process has come from. In my mind I see big arms and think no muscles thus Im weak.
Im still working through the acceptance of this added 20lbs. I see my extra tummy squish as a protector of my aging uterus. I see a mother that has nourished all 5 of her babies. Im learning to lean in and love these parts of me, however I experience a daily struggle especially in the summer months with sundresses and lighter clothing.
I dislike the explant scars on my breasts. I had breast implants for 18 years and became so sick, I had them taken out and opted for a breast lift due to the extra skin. I now have very faint scars on my breasts and I sometimes feel a particular way that I did this to my body out of vanity. If I would of not got the implants originally, my breasts would be perfect with no scars. I have done quite a bit of somatic work surrounding my breasts and now I love them, massage them, rub oil on them and allow them to be free of bra’s and restrictions. They are perky and perfect and I send them love and forgiveness often.
Nudity is vital as it normalizes women’s bodies, unmasking that internal voice and allowing us to be free. Seeing other women’s bodies allows us to accept our own. Seeing our differences and our similarities is what brings forth acceptance of our own meat suit. Also seeing other women’s vulvas is so darn empowering, the act of visualizing and normalizing brings forth peace and acceptance of our own skin.
Oh my sweet juicy delicious orgasms. I have been masturbating since I was a young child humping stuffed animals and or corners of blankets. My orgasms have evolved over the years, from self masturbation to partnered shared. As I dive deeper into Betty’s teaching I am now taking more pleasure and having multiple orgasms at just about all partnered opportunities. Im a orgasm piggy and absolutely owning it! I taught my self how to squirt and taught my partner how to help me squirt as well. I have figured out how to pleasure myself during partnered sex which has lead to mind blowing tingling sessions.
I recently started a self love masturbation practice and am enjoying my alone time with the barbell and vibrator.
One thing I am wanting to experience more of is oral climax. I’ve orgasmed 2x in all my years by oral! It’s a challenge to get the right stimulation/pressure etc to get over the edge. My orgasm is a work in progress and Im enjoying the ride.
Oh my precious body has been through 10+ pregnancies, 5 live births. This is important to understand as each pregnancy I gained 50lbs and lost it all again. What a jump in weight and fall of loss on repeat so many times. My delicious breasts made milk for 5 babies, they produced milk for 11 years non stop! My body has given me so much joy and yet so much pain. Today as a 49year old mother and grandmother, I am leaning in and accepting the curves, the squish, the slight tummy fat that is protecting my worn out uterus! I love my body and my curves and yet some days I would love to have my youth back, strong muscles and flat tummy. Yes I also am ok with where I am, considering I lived a full life. What I do find showing up more than ever before is my digestion-it’s as if an internal organ went un-noticed for so long and now it’s saying..pay attention to me-we are sensitive and need nourishment in a way I never saw before. My body is my meat suit and it is longing for sunlight, rest and love. I see you Amanda, I love you.