@ahowel42
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As a mother of 5 older teens and grown adult offspring. Ive had my fair share of experiences on this journey. Im also a lactation consultant and have been for over 20 years, my total life and career have been based inside these topics. I could go on forever about so many different things. For me- having my first child when I was 17 years old was huge in my family, my baby was biracial. My grandfather knew I was dating an African American and he said we need to talk and took me on a walk down the street and said “you see the red birds and blue birds, they don’t make purple babies”, he turned around and walked back home and left me on the street. Little did he know I was already pregnant with my beautiful bi-racial baby! I went on to have 2 bi-racial babies and 3 Mexican American babies-just to prove to him that all humans can procreate! We have united nations in my house and I love our diversity!
I was working in a OBGYN office when I was pregnant with my second baby and walked into the lunch room and a OB Dr was talking to the nurses and said “women cant have babies without epidurals, they just cant”. Well I knew right then that this baby was going to be born with out a epidural just to fucking prove him wrong. I declined all medication and pushed her right out on my own without an epidural just to prove to him that we as women are strong and can. I went on to birth 3 more babies with out epidurals at home. Because why would I stay in a system that is set up to fail mother’s.
I have stories for days about Breastfeeding in public and keeping my boys intact and refusing vaccinations etc. Im so passionate about all things pregnancy, birth and motherhood related.
The past several months I have entered late phase of perimenopause and have experienced significant heavy bleeds, filling a “over night” pad in 1.5-2hrs time. I have a sense of guilt that I treated my uterus frivolously with lots of pregnancies and terminations and if I would of took ownership of my womb that maybe she wouldn’t be so angry with me right now. That’s quite a bit of guilt to carry. I have some work to do around this feeling. Rather I can thank my womb for all the life it’s created and send my womb love and light and gratefulness rather than feel guilty for previous choices.
I honor my body in all phases of menstruation from the luteal phase to actual bleeding phases. I tend to have more orgasms in the luteal phase and become very intuitive and creative. I tend to create and design ideas for my business during this phase. A few days before my bleed i am so turned on by life and take several partnered orgasms a day. When I begin bleeding I use period panties and free bleed. I also honor my bleed with organic cotton tampons and period panties. I will take the first day of my bleed slow, read, watch a show and or hang out with family/partner. I increase iron rich foods, eat my breakfast in direct sunshine and bring on a state of rest and relaxation.
A change in my body that I feel gratitude for is my breasts. I had breast implants for 18 years that made me extremely sick and unable to eat much. I lost 40lbs over 2 years and became deathly ill. I had them removed in 21′ with a lift. At first I struggled with the loss of my larger breasts and accepting the smaller more natural size. Since I’ve gained weight in perimenopause my breasts have perked up and are so full, lush and soft. I am thankful they nourished my 5 babies with warm milk and are now perky and full.
A body change that has been difficult for me is the slow gain over the past 2.5 years of 20lbs. I’ve always been about 155-165lbs my whole life and since I entered perimenopause I’ve slowly gained weight that I can not get off with out starving myself. Which isn’t an option. My arms have gotten larger and I do not like to see pictures of my big arms. This sounds ridiculous and I have no idea where this thought process has come from. In my mind I see big arms and think no muscles thus Im weak.
Im still working through the acceptance of this added 20lbs. I see my extra tummy squish as a protector of my aging uterus. I see a mother that has nourished all 5 of her babies. Im learning to lean in and love these parts of me, however I experience a daily struggle especially in the summer months with sundresses and lighter clothing.
I dislike the explant scars on my breasts. I had breast implants for 18 years and became so sick, I had them taken out and opted for a breast lift due to the extra skin. I now have very faint scars on my breasts and I sometimes feel a particular way that I did this to my body out of vanity. If I would of not got the implants originally, my breasts would be perfect with no scars. I have done quite a bit of somatic work surrounding my breasts and now I love them, massage them, rub oil on them and allow them to be free of bra’s and restrictions. They are perky and perfect and I send them love and forgiveness often.
Nudity is vital as it normalizes women’s bodies, unmasking that internal voice and allowing us to be free. Seeing other women’s bodies allows us to accept our own. Seeing our differences and our similarities is what brings forth acceptance of our own meat suit. Also seeing other women’s vulvas is so darn empowering, the act of visualizing and normalizing brings forth peace and acceptance of our own skin.
Oh my sweet juicy delicious orgasms. I have been masturbating since I was a young child humping stuffed animals and or corners of blankets. My orgasms have evolved over the years, from self masturbation to partnered shared. As I dive deeper into Betty’s teaching I am now taking more pleasure and having multiple orgasms at just about all partnered opportunities. Im a orgasm piggy and absolutely owning it! I taught my self how to squirt and taught my partner how to help me squirt as well. I have figured out how to pleasure myself during partnered sex which has lead to mind blowing tingling sessions.
I recently started a self love masturbation practice and am enjoying my alone time with the barbell and vibrator.
One thing I am wanting to experience more of is oral climax. I’ve orgasmed 2x in all my years by oral! It’s a challenge to get the right stimulation/pressure etc to get over the edge. My orgasm is a work in progress and Im enjoying the ride.
Oh my precious body has been through 10+ pregnancies, 5 live births. This is important to understand as each pregnancy I gained 50lbs and lost it all again. What a jump in weight and fall of loss on repeat so many times. My delicious breasts made milk for 5 babies, they produced milk for 11 years non stop! My body has given me so much joy and yet so much pain. Today as a 49year old mother and grandmother, I am leaning in and accepting the curves, the squish, the slight tummy fat that is protecting my worn out uterus! I love my body and my curves and yet some days I would love to have my youth back, strong muscles and flat tummy. Yes I also am ok with where I am, considering I lived a full life. What I do find showing up more than ever before is my digestion-it’s as if an internal organ went un-noticed for so long and now it’s saying..pay attention to me-we are sensitive and need nourishment in a way I never saw before. My body is my meat suit and it is longing for sunlight, rest and love. I see you Amanda, I love you.
Betty, what specifically about your essence pulled women in to you? What about you did women want more of?
What surprised me was her journey of independence by shaving her head so that she could be “with-in” no stigma attached-literally. Her husband wanted her to have long hair and it was a “vanity trip” to shave it all off, she realized she didn’t need to be pretty for anyone only herself. What an act of self love. The video of Betty cutting another women’s hair in the “Feminist TV week” video a small child was in the back ground and women were sitting around naked shaving their heads-so fascinating. Another women in the background said “my dr told me to smoke a joint before I gave birth”. The 70’s was a wild time to experience life and-Betty’s re-birth.
I enjoyed the Chico state talk more than the Yale lecture.
Chico state Betty was unfiltered, raw, authentic, and deeply real. Her statement, ” We become beautiful for someone else, never ourselves,” resonated profoundly with me. It spoke to the truth of how women are shaped by societal labels and expectations, performing for others, rather than guided by out internal voice inner know and inner beauty.
I was also struck by her ability to tell a story and create a timeline, rather than lecture like a traditional professor or teacher. Her storytelling pulled the audience in, the information was new, it was fresh, it was taboo! Her advice, “If you want to lean more about something, do it,” landed powerfully. The analogy was simple and brilliant: if you want to be a good cook, cook more; a good write, write more; if you want to be good at sex, have more of it.
“Seeing other women’s vulvas, normalized vulvas”, so impactful. If we don’t talk about sex and pleasure, we don’t learn about it. There was so much wise women wisdom at the Chico state event.
The Yale lecture existed in a different environment and reflected a different moment in our culture. The audience didn’t seem as intrigued or engaged as the students at Chico. Betty was older, wiser and used a different context to connect with he audience. I deeply appreciated her openness and encouragement of students to explore sex and masturbation. Her detailed explanation of what a “good fuck” meant to her was absolute gold.
The stand out’s in her creative process was her ability to do and learn, she mentions several times about learning sex by doing rather than reading books and or lectures. She took her years of experience and bundled that into body sex. As I look back at my sexual experience’s I see so much truth to her method! The more you learn to run the fuck the more you literally run the fuck with no question about it. The more you see, touch, feel, explore share pleasure with your vulva the more you learn and become one with her. Just genius!
I feel the women gave Betty a standing ovation because they felt seen, literally on a vastly different level than ever before. Her show radically and publicly shattered shame surrounding women’s bodies and vulvas. This was at a time where the topic was completely taboo. Her slides were the first of it’s kind, relatable, real life, and beautifully diverse. Again the women felt seen.
I think that NOW’s first/last sexuality conference ended at that because it was possibly seen as too politically volatile at the moment in time. They didn’t have a focus of totality-they had a preconceived notion of certain topics rather than propelling women forward it was a hiccough in time surrounding political and historical movements society was not prepared for. The whole movement was split rather than encompassing all of women’s rights, concerns, freedom, sexuality etc.
It split the camp into 2 parts. Could the NOW conference continued? Possibly-if they dropped sexuality and kept NOW on a more flat rightfully boring path. I feel they tried to group everything into one and the world wasn’t ready for that, even the women supporting didn’t realize the depth of change and freedom that needed to occur. It brought together women who disagreed on sex! Imagine that! Which still presents it’s self today, so very much divided in women’s circles around the globe. NOW decided this wasn’t a fight they had the capacity to move through.
Instead of expanding the conference they closed it all down. Reminds me of religion and politics-shut it all down rather than work it out!
I had the most resistance to the last chapter Making Love Alone. As a single mom of 5 kiddos mainly grown now, I’ve always felt so alone in life and anytime I come across doing something yet alone again its so triggering. My own trauma of always being alone is part of me and something Im actively working through. At the same time Im reminded that I can still experience pleasure and self love on my own and this feeling is not a bad or negative one..It is and so it can be.
