@chouse1011
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The most effective step I believe would be to first start by calling it by this term of what it really is- intentional motherhood (love the term). I think that alone gives those who feel pressured to oppose or are on the fence the opportunity to see it in the light of what it truly is instead of the overdramatized horror that Conservatives have made it out to be. It reminds the listener of the layers of all that is factored when making this “intentional” decision. It removes the black or white, yes or no, right or wrong from the conversation and gives space for a more realistic discussion.
“We very mistakenly turned over the Women’s Movement to organizations that aren’t even feminists.” – This quote from Carol Downer… I was standing in the kitchen making dinner while listening to this podcast and had to stop, back it up, sit down and hear it again, and again, and again. I listened to it three times. It floored me – she is 100% correct. I had not really thought about it until I heard her say it last night. And I’m not sure how I didn’t.
In my experience, it was onset perhaps sooner than usual (partial hysterectomy at 38 – ovaries/hormones left intact). It wasn’t instant/immediate after my hysterectomy but for many years after, it did feel like some slow decline. Obviously my menstruation cycle was no longer but the most noticeable changes sneaking up were hot flashes. Funny thing is I barely recall my gynecologist telling me that early menopause may happen (I actually don’t remember him mentioning at all but I want to give him the benefit of the doubt since I don’t recall either way). Fast forward to more recently when I discovered the hormones — I use implanted pellets of estrogen and testosterone, and take progesterone orally— maybe it’s not for everyone but so far, I’m not experiencing anything that would have me believe it’s not for me.
My midwife encouraged sex throughout my pregnancy as a great stress reliever and she was right. Then once I went into labor, it was even encouraged to get things going (semen is a good cervix softener, although I’m not sure how effective it was for me — 54 hours of labor, later). I had my son at a birthing center with two midwives, a doula, my husband, my sister, my mother, and by then, whoever else walked in off the street I would have been fine with, I think. I saved my son’s stem cells/cord blood and to this day, it’s in a bank waiting for him, if he ever needs it. His APGAR’s were 9 and 10, and we were home two hours later (due to me wanting to shower and eat a sandwich). My pregnancy was great, I happily breastfed for 2 years (he and I shared the marked occasion and even at two, he seemed to understand its significance). All was a breeze and yet, life will throw curveballs even when you try all you can to make things the best possible scenario. My son has special needs that require no labeling – I never liked labels anyway. And I’ve learned that often the best possible scenario isn’t the one you’ve created in your mind- I love him so much and he’s such a great soul, I can’t imagine him any other way.
(Moving this commentary over from the first question)
I was a late bloomer – one of the last of all of my friends to get her period. It was ridiculous how insecure I was about it- I even lied and told everyone it happened when it hadn’t yet just from the pressure. (And was grateful that it actually came just a few months later because I was starting to wonder how long I was going to have to keep my farce up). My Mom was very sweet about it all, as I’m pretty sure she knew I was lying about it but didn’t call me out. One morning before school I went into the kitchen for breakfast and there on the refrigerator was a quote in her perfect handwriting- “The flower that blooms the latest last the longest.”
I haven’t had my period in about 15 years due to a hysterectomy that was needed due to horrible endometriosis. I had at least two laparoscopies to clean it out but it always returned, so when I had the hysterectomy, I was grateful to end the physical pain (but then had to face the emotional… it took its toll, as well).I haven’t had my period since 2010 but when I did, the typical Tylenol or Midol, a heating pad, some sort of snacky junk food, (and sex, if I had a partner) did the trick. They didn’t have the menstrual cup at the time and I’m with Betty, I would have loved to have that over tampons and pads.
Due to early onset menopause from a needed partial hysterectomy at 38, as much as I had enjoyed self and partner sex, I seemed to have lost interest. It wasn’t much of a priority anymore (and hadn’t been for several years due to the time and energy it took to be a single mother with sole custody). I enjoyed the closeness of being with someone and was in a few significant relationships from then until more recently, but it wasn’t until I started hormones and discovered Bodysex that I was reminded of my sex drive. Now, I’m having the best sex of my life in my mid-50’s with my mid-50’s husband. We explore together and “separate but together,” we make love nearly every day and sometimes in the most spontaneous moments/places. My passion fuels his passion. It has brought us closer together and more in love than we could have imagined. We’re grateful for this change.
The most difficult change in my body that I had to overcome was the partial hysterectomy (everything but the ovaries) I had in 2010. It was very bittersweet for me- on the one hand, having this surgery after several years of terrible endometriosis/several surgical procedures of them clearing it out only for it to return/the most horrible abdominal pain I’ve ever felt in my life (and I was in labor for 54 hours) – having this was a great relief. On the other hand, I had always wanted to have another child/another family unit (new father and another sibling) after having to take sole custody and raise my son from the time he was 4 in 2004 after my first husband became drug dependent on Oxycontin, he was a love still but a danger to us both. It was the end of a heartfelt wish to give him a sibling, something as a child he would very humbly and innocently ask me for. All around, it was THE hardest period in my adult life and the time when I basically put the importance of my own pleasure and orgasm “on the shelf,” and although I would revisit it like an awkward call you feel you owe an old friend, I never really understood how much I had tucked it away until I took a Bodysex Workshop in Nov, 2024. It is where I made a promise to myself to never put my orgasm on the shelf again.
Just learning to accept the natural aging process and affect that gravity has on us all. My fair skin – we’re always the first to show signs of aging so I decided to do something about it and got a neck lift a few years ago. It’s not a permanent solution as I hope I’m still granted the opportunity to live with wrinkles in my older years but I feel like it bought me a little extra time of looking more youthful and I’m comfortable with my decision to do it. Same with my body- breast augmentation when I was 24. It has lasted me for years even after pregnancy/nursing my son but now gravity is having its effect and although they don’t stand as firm as they used to, I look back fondly at those extra years I got. Plastic surgery is not for everyone but I feel as long as it’s not used to cover more deeper wounds, it can be beneficial.
Like everyone else mentions, it’s the great equalizer. Plus, as critical as we are of our own bodies when we look at other women and their overall beauty (size, shape, color) — sensuality comes in every form and it reminds us all that just the same way we admire others as an entire package so should we step back and take a higher view of ourselves.
Thanks to the water jets in our swimming pools growing up, a handful of my friends and I discovered the sensation of orgasm at a young age. It was the thing to do – my best friend and I would be swimming in my pool (or hers) and after a period of time laughing and playing, we would decide it was time to go off in separate directions and find a jet. Things would get pretty serious and quiet then. Sometimes, we would pick jets closest to each other so we could see when it would happen for the other. I started calling it, “My Relief.” And by the natural curve that your body would have to take (and hold) in order to get the kind of long, ongoing pressure needed to achieve success, it was Betty’s Rock ‘n Roll method self-taught. I laugh at it now – while she was teaching it to others in the 70’s, my girlfriends and I in the same time were discovering it all on our own.
From the time I was very young I can recall always having hate for my body. My pale white skin that would burn and then turn into freckle face in the Florida sun, my red hair that as a child made me stand out and get attention I didn’t want. The ridiculing that occurred all throughout my school years and into my young adulthood- Red, Carrot-top, ROTHchild (Red on the Head Like a Dick on a Dog) — sometimes I was smart and sassy enough to hit them back with a good one-liner, other times I thought it was going to destroy me. I couldn’t count how many hours I stared at my reflection in the mirror crying, “I’m so ugly”- my mom would hear the brush bouncing off the mirror in front of me that I threw at my reflection. We were all amazed that the mirror never broke. In time, that would change- the attention I hated turned into appreciation as my confidence grew. I still struggle with the pale complexion and admire so the cocoa butter skin of so many of my friends. As for my body- I feel like I need to admit that I’ve altered it with cosmetic surgery but I don’t regret those choices for myself. I think more important is being confident enough to go for it and enjoy the results. It’s still not as ideal as I would like it to be but that’s where remembering all of the other positives about it are important. As far as my vulva goes, as a child I loved it because it didn’t occur to me that it looked different or funny- all of my friends had slightly different variations and we thought nothing of it. But as a teenager and young adult once I was being exposed to the opposite sex, I was very embarrassed by what they could see, so to cover my embarrassment and laugh it off, I called her my aardvark (looking straight down she had that profile of the Pink Panther’s blue aardvark’s tip of his snout/lips). When I told my first husband that he laughed and told me he thought she was nothing but beautiful (and then in only the most loving way, also continued to call her my aardvark) – it was actually very healing for me, similar to Betty’s experience with Grant. As for my current husband, he could gaze at her all day if we had that kind of time but he renamed her Ariel – that was healing, too. It’s amazing what damage one heckler can do and what healing one admirer can do— at this stage in my life, I choose to remember the admirers.
I would have loved to be in a circle with Betty, not for any one particular question but for just that energy she brought. Even dinner together would be great — for the friendly conversation and sharing, the laughter, and I suppose (my question would be) what feedback/vibes I got back from her in regards to whether she enjoyed that time with me. I’d like to believe that we would’ve gotten along well and made each other smile.
How impactful her meeting Carlin was on all of this – that initial interview, the mutual and immediate attraction of wanting to partner together (both in search of the other), and the chemistry between them that continued. Without Betty meeting Carlin, it is likely that none of Bodysex would have continued, especially not to the degree that it does. It was kismet and how grateful we all are for it – including Betty, I’m sure – Rest in Power.💗
