@mettejessen
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I will just mention two things that stood out for me. The bath tub running water masturbation – I did that too. The ageless orgasm including after hysterectomy – I have the same experience: My orgasms have become – much! – better with age.
No woman should ignore her clitoris system! No clitoris stimulation, no orgasm. And as for the clitoris stimulation, some key guidance: The more the better, and preferable direct and indirect at the same time, and just keep going.
That women can be anorgasmic, or that we can be too complicated / ruined / blocked.
That masturbation is not a natural and necessary pleasure practice.
That is it wrong – for women – to have partner independent orgasms, especially if partnersex is available.
An orgasm is the release that comes after a build up tension in the clitoris system. For me it feels like a bodily relaxation combined and/or followed by a broad spectrum of “within-feelings”, often but not always connected to pleasure. What I feel depends not only on the build up but also the context: deep relaxation, sleepy, energized, more aroused, present and grieving, present and happy, maybe even a healing aha-moment, overwhelmed, “that was it, lets go on with life”, connection to my partner. Sometimes it even gives me the feeling of being deeply connected to myself (self-love) as being part of the big ocean. That’s a floating feeling. And nothing compares.
For me it has been important to distinguish between the clit-stim I like for arousal and the clit-stim I like for orgasm. Knowing the difference has slowed me down. If orgasm is my goal, I forget the part that really arouses me – and that is often the most pleasurable part and definitely the part that is needed if I am hoping for a full body orgasm.
First, we all need to see a 3D model of clitoris and some educational drawings.
Then, no home with girls without a vulva-mirror. And add in lots of vulva pride and vulva talk.
Promote nudity. In my view, mothers and fathers should be role models here.
It’s liberating! Until we know we feel like a failure because we are trying to fit into the male model – and we can’t. Clit-knowledge is crucial if we want to become orgasmic.
Clitoris-ignorance makes it impossible to get away with the male sex model that is so repressive for women (and actually also for men)
Start out saying that orgasms takes stimulation of clitoris. Then many will comment that they can come without or that they have had a partner who could. We have to trust that, if they say so, but! Try to show them the 3D model of the clitoris and some drawings, and mention that clitoris stimulation is not only stimulation of the glans. It is any stimulation of the whole clitoris system, including indirect, and of course it is possible that some stimulation will take place during penetration, especially if the woman is very aroused. But why not up the pleasure, arousal and orgasm with some intentional clit-stim before, during and after penetration. Go and play!
I like this quote in chapter 16: “I have never been sure about the authenticity of any woman’s orgasm because we are excellent fakers”. I love that she says that. I have never really been a faker (maybe I sometimes faked pleasure, but not orgasms) but I will say that I would be a fantastic faker especially now after having had a serious masturbation for nearly five years. The more real orgasms you have, the better you would be able to fake it.
This one is great (p161) – It is Bettys reaction to Ms fear of printing her article:
“I hung up the phone and growled, “The authoritarian matriarch has silenced the radical sex freak. Having independent orgasms might interfere with our blind goddamn devotion to romantic love. It’s more tasteful and ladylike to commit suicide than to jerk off!”
Because I have gone through menopause myself, I like chapter 27. I can so much relate to the easy naturally transition she had noticing the new sensations as “my mini heat orgasms” and also her seeking out adventures and then wondering whether she had “finally become a romantic realist?”
I have suffered a lot from body shame but never from genital shame. I have no problem touching, smelling, tasting. It feels natural. And calming. And arousing.
I variate a lot so I would not be able to describe a “typical” masturbation encounter. I do not use vibrator or toys more than maybe 1 out of 5 times. When I do, I love the barbell. My favorite thing is how hot the barbell becomes. And often I will stimulate my clitoris head with the barbell after it has been used for penetration. When stimulating with my fingers, I mostly use right hand, and middlefinger and ring finger together. I have always done that. I have gotten the impression that most women uses middelfinger and pointy finger. I only do that for variation and it does feel completely different.
