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I’ve often described myself as a ‘poster child’ for happy childless women. I like the term intentional mother more.
Difficult to listen knowing how women lost the right to choose… I did not know Carol Downer’s name! What a warrior. Looking forward to learning. I can hardly think about the overturn of Roe without wanting to scream. It makes sense but I never thought about women having to hide their gender to be fairly evaluated on law tests.
Personally I haven’t had to have an abortion. I made the decision to do it then was not actually pregnant. I was in a terrible mistake of a marriage, under 30, pretty sure I never wanted kids. I got lucky but have been through it with clients, though, quite a few times. Always grateful they had that choice and honored to be a trusted support and sounding board.
In addition, I’ve often considered how, as a nurse, I might be able to assist with menstrual extraction. Now glad to know more details about how it actually works and the contrast to ending a pregnancy.I very much appreciated Betty’s and Carlin’s candor about their experiences.
I’m embarrassed that I really don’t remember having any trouble going through menopause. Probably there was something and I don’t want to remember! Thankfully all is pretty good now. Dryness yes, but going to ask doc @ some topical estrogen cream.
I never aspired to be a mother. Early on I recognized that I had been mothered very ambivalently and I didn’t want to pass that on. I have seldom regretted that choice. My way to contribute to the future is to be the best therapist I can and to support my friends, neighbors, and coworkers who ARE moms. When people inquire whether I have children I always answer “I give at the office!”
Like said in the last post, I got through it. The pain was the worst of it. The PMS I barely remember. I probably drank alcohol to cope at first. I got sober in my 30’s and was kinder to my body, let myself rest and appreciate my womanhood and extra sensitivity. The one thing I’d like to change for the next generation is to celebrate the menarche and get rid of the shame/need for secrecy.
I’ve been in menopause/crone for quite a few years now. I surely don’t miss my period. Basically what I remember is getting though it… At first there were no NSAIDS yet and I would have to go to bed with the heating pad b/c of the pain. A few times it was so bad my mother would give me a shot of Jack Daniel’s to knock me out. Eventually menstrual cups were available, and i used one, occasionally but by that time my flow was much more manageable and tampons were less of a fuss. Unfortunately I was never clued into nor did I think of orgasms as pain relievers. I remember avoiding period sex as too messy.
I’m physically weak! I’m very ashamed to be in this situation. I stopped aikido (long story) which demanded a lot of up and down with the leg muscles and also let my Vitamin D go low. Subsequently I have ended up unsteady on my feet and have too much difficulty getting up from the ground once down. I fear becoming the woman on the ad with the pitiful line “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” where an elder has to have an emergency button on a necklace to summon help. This summer I vow to get walking, gardening, and otherwise moving my big muscles again.
<div>Requiring nudity is perhaps the only way to test people’s readiness to trust the group to teach them. I don’t think it’s wrong for a vulva-haver to not be able to go there but that kind of anxiety/fear/shame however it does say something about the level of support the person will need to be relaxed enough to learn in that setting. A slower entry may be necessary for some would-be participants. Ethically I wouldn’t be comfortable with a person feeling forced.</div>
I do not like how my feet look– callused, ugly, toes with fungus, cracked heels! Until recently I was too ashamed to get a pedicure. I would go barefoot only when absolutely necessary. I finally did it… ONCE, so far.
I’m not sure that anything I might hear about Betty could surprise me now! My main feelings about this incredible privilege of being so close to the women who knew her, experienced her, learned directly from her are gratitude, awe, and pride in what women can accomplish.
Every time I imagine her creating Liberating Masturbation in the analog world I realize how ‘spoiled I have become now that so much is digitized.
What is my excuse for not doing something similar? Listening to the book CUNT these days. Feeling challenged to express myself as a sexual being and watching myself hold myself back! What can I do that would surprise and delight ME? Perhaps inspire others in new ways? And what kind of support can I ask for and subsequently allow myself to receive?Chico State: Betty was so much ahead of her time! I so regret that I never heard her speak. I have to look up weather there was even a chance… When I grow up (or maybe just retire) I want to be able to give such an honest and entertaining recounting of my sexual history (what I can remember anyway!)
Yale: Still in the vanguard! Still so very funny! Putting it all out there after all those years…
The absolute best thing about Betty’s process is that she developed the rituals organically from suggestions that the women who were participating themselves made. There were times when she and Sheila would try something and it was pretty far out and then the women would balk and then Betty and Sheila would just keep going and try something else! No judgment no harm no foul. Get together again and see what happens in the new context, different people, etc.
In my experience during those years two different yet related things were going on. One was first that we who were outspokenly feminist did not want to scare women away by getting two personal. We didn’t talk so openly in those days, at least I didn’t. Even in the feminist circles that I was running in I don’t remember any explicit discussions of sexual behavior.
Secondly, many lesbian women that I knew were deep in the closet for good reason, especially those who had achieved some level of status and respect, particularly in academia where I was. First of all many of them weren’t even out to their closest colleagues and family. And career wise it could be devastating to admit to such a difference.
My theory about the standing ovation at the NOW conference is that it was a relatively anonymous thing, once one was present in such a huge gathering, to stand up and cheer to see a taboo smashed to smithereens. It wasn’t really that risky in that context.
