@megan
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I have always loved Betty’s market drawing of the gay male bathhouse. I’m so turned on by gay male sex and I love purple and brown together š. I often masturbate thinking I have a penis, I’ve masturbated a fair amount with wearable and harness strap-ons, I love pegging. There’s a part of my switchy libra-ness that is also a gay man but I don’t have body dysmorphia and am not trans, but fuck it’s hot. There’s something about the muscles coming together, the vulnerability of seeing that kind of macho strength take it in the ass. I truly want two boyfriends who are also boyfriends, and I hope the worldwide love for Heated Rivalry gets more bi men out of the closet. Anyhooo, I wanna be at that bathhouse. I think there’s also something specific about that fantasy, seeing men all together that scratches the itch of witnessing hedonistic sex that is also safe (?) the way that unfortunately, for me, I don’t find with a gangbang scenario. Men being overpowered by each other rather than possibly overpowering a woman (though I know that if I ever did a gang bang, I’d want to hand curate the roster….damn now I’m thinking about that…)
There was this one guy a couple of years ago I only saw for a couple of weeks and then I left for the summer. As much as I hate to admit it, it fucked me up because he matched my freak so totally and we were both sides of a sexual coin. We’re both switch, embody masculine and feminine in equal measure and I got to experience multiple times my most ideal fantasies of tying him up and another time pegging him with my wearable strapon while he was wearing MY sun dress š®āšØ I come back to fantasising about our encounters often and with this exercise I got to focus on really zoomed in details, ASMR levels sounds, moaning and breathing, intense closeups of specific moments like a really stylized film. It engaged more of my creativity towards the vision I got to recreate. Thank you for the facilitation Laura!
I’ve been able to recently release the attitude that fantasy is incidental. That I’ll come up with fantasy when it’s needed, rather than build the fantasy because it’s fun and hot, and the erotic veins throughout everyday life will immensely add to my daily experience. Knowing the creative power of fantasy and the journey I’m personally going through (as well as teaching in my workshops), the key point that Betty articulated that “sexual fantasy is the heart of the creative process”. It’s also something I can come back to often and intentionally and direct that energy and purpose towards my self- love, passions, relationships, witchy spiritual practice, community, gratitude, creative projects and environment. I’m doing this more often and with more purpose than before. Erotic fantasy is also deeply connected to my work and my educational workshops, the dream I see for folks I teach to expand and embrace their pleasure and joy, to make my offering towards improving the world, much like what Betty did.
I’ve really been getting into fantasies related to nature these days. Mushrooms, the cucumbers and tomatoes with their puckered skin from my community garden. I treeplanted for several year in my 20s and I love masturbating in nature, the breeze and nakedness to the open sky all really does it for me. The sex I’m having with my current lover is also really great to I like fantasising additional antics we might get up to. I usually have a note going on my phone where I’ll add little vignettes that turn me on. I love a smut book for some longer drawn out fantasy practice. I also use Dipsea and Quinn audio erotica apps. I’ve also been studiously attending Kink and sex play events more over the last 2 years and there are many things I’ve gotten to experience or witness that have made for fantastic fantasy fodder. Some favourites are MMF threesomes, situations where I’m wearing my strapless strap on, orgies, DP, restraint and pleasure torture, tentacles penetrating me and the suckers on my skin, nipples and clit, teasing and edging, trying newer extreme sized toys etc.
I don’t really think I’d feel shame for any fantasies I might think up, but so far it hasn’t happened. If something comes at me that is different, it usually instigates more curiosity about why I’ve now thought that new thing is hot. I’ve probably had at least one of each style of fantasy, even if I’ve not returned to the topic for future fantasies.
I can be pretty chaotic and inconsistent with my practice and I notice that I’m more in tune with my month cycle in terms of frequency and style or mood, when I’m ovulating (such as these last few days) I can masturbate up to 6/7 times a day (I’m also fortunate to be somewhat funemployed/part time and can be at home for longer periods alone), I might not want to masturbate or it might be bit of a chore (like taking my vitamins) during my luteal phase. I’m often quite horny when I bleed though and I’ve been also trying to instigate contractions with orgasm on the first 2 days of my bleed. Sometimes I’ll be on a creative flow and want to involve pleasure, edging and orgasm between boughts of creativity. Sometimes I’m uninspired and don’t feel connected to my body as much. I try not to force it if I’m not feeling it. I’ve chatted a fair bit about my favourite style, generally I use a vibrator (maybe %70 of the time), I often enjoy a vulva massage or just fingers to edge and orgasm. Sometimes I’ll add a dildo or my fingers for penetration. I like novelty and exploring new techniques and accoutrements to spicy up the scene and go for an hour or so and sometimes I’m lazy – slap the vibe on it for 10 minutes and call it a day.
I can ejaculate and it has happened a couple times by accident, but mostly when I have wanted to ejaculate, I can ask my partner to tense his arm. Use the power behind his shoulder and keep his fingers in a hooked shape. There are also times I have tried to ejaculate, and it wasnāt successful, which made me laugh because it truly is something that is often not easy to control. I have learned my lesson though- much like Betty, Iām not into mess – one time when I gushed so heavily, it went through my duvet and all of my bedding, past the mattress. I bought a puppy pee pad for next time.
Edging is something I have deeply come to love over the last five years. I think because Iāve realized how much I love the space of plateau. I could swim and marinate in the sensations and the deep pleasure that my body can float in. Float being a keyword because I feel like my soul is floating in water or the expanse of space; and at the same time, my muscles can be taught like the hairs of a violin bow. Clearly the shit is also so good, It makes me a poet. Edging is also the first practice that I come back to when Iāve been too intense or potentially numbing out using my vibrator a lot or Iāve been feeling off and not in a space of eroticism or desire and I choose to intentionally find my self back to my arousal. Because the goal of edging is not to orgasm right away anyway, I go into the practice with no expectation and just spend time, touching my body and lengthening the journey of my pleasure mapping with different sensations, positions and practices.
I loved the specificity with which Carlin and Betty both talked about the levels and layers of multiple orgasms. That itās a conversation with your body: feeling the pleasure, knowing when to back off, knowing when to re-engage, focussing on your breathing, releasing the grip on expectation or on tensing, and letting the body experience the waves of pleasure that builds. I also think for a solo session, that space between one orgasm and the next become a meditative flow state of deep relaxation that rejuvenates the body. I love having a multiple orgasm journey and exploring, shifting my focus and awareness to different erogenous zones from my clit, to my vaginal opening, to my cervix, to my nipples, to my asshole and back to my heart.
Again, I’ll mention Whealtey. She has a very creative way of looking a the tools that she engages in her clitoral stimulation and I’m inspired to look at more everyday objects a little differently. For example I recently came across a silicone put holder/trivet that’s made of hexagonal moulds and I think putting lube on it and grinding on it would be SOO FUN, so that’s next on my to do list. I also have a stainless steel Gua Sha face thing I’m going to use to stroke my clit. I think I’m also going to try some masturbating lying on my side, I have tried it before but not in a while so I want to give it another chance.
I was really taken with Wheatley’s techniques and ingenuity with the pen, then the popsicle stick story, the plastic beach toy handle and then the rock! How creative and intentional. I really relate to the playful way she used different items for sensation and the rock for connection to earth. I absolutely loved watching Goddess and her masturbation journey, her movements and body are so beautiful and sensual. I love witnessing the women who really vocalized loudly and with no inhibitions, especially the laughter! I can’t recall her name but the woman with the rainbow socks and the flowers in her hair; combining the anal plug, with a vibe and fingers as well as clothes pins! What a fun and creative way to add the layers of intense sensation.
This video was so special. I admired her bravery for sharing her orgasm for a camera, that’s very different than in the circles with all the focus on her. I honestly loved seeing her cunt in action, at this point it has it’s own right to be a star! That she is lubricated, velvety soft and also the skin of her thighs were supple and all her muscles strong (you could see them clenching and shivering). It was amazing to see her so grounded, taking the journey as it came to her, taking time to move the vibrator around and how she used her dildo (I loved the size, shape and that it’s of a stone? Obsidian?) She seemed really peaceful and in flow with her body and her pleasure. I loved her honouring herself at the end. It was such an honour to witness. I miss you Betty <3
For longer sessions of self loving (usually combined with something from my pleasure meue: a bath or hot shower, music, dancing, yoga, self tying shibari, some weed, tea or glass of wine) I’ve been loving these three styles:
1. Sitting on the floor, back against the side of my bed on a towel and looking at myself in the full length mirror on my closet door, half draped in one of my two favourite robes. Using oil for vulva massage and some of my favourite toys to play some orchestral pleasure. I love the open spread out and exposed-ness of this. I love watching myself and will sometimes take photos or videos.
2. The Pillow Fuck but I will roll up my yoga mat and use my strapon harness to attached my favourite dildo on to it so I can straddle over it on my knees and tease my opening with it, sometimes using my hands or a vibrator on my clit but building up to lowering myself all the way down on to it eventually to ride and fuck it to Queendom Come!
3. Sometimes I like squatting and fingering myself sometimes playing with a dildo but this position engages more of the anterior walls and my fingers can reach my urethra sponge more easily and I can have some really fun gushing/orgasm combo climaxes.
These days I’m in so many circles that debunk the myths and teach comprehensive sex ed that some of them almost seem like urban legends. Which is actually a pretty cool.
1. That if you have a partner, why would you need to masturbate to have pleasure or orgasms. Your partner will give that to you.
2. That you should be able to rely on the lube your body naturally produces instead of adding more (actually this one, I’ve heard a few contemporaries in the tantra space espouse and I argue it adamently if I see it)
3. And actually, a tangental myth that Betty addresses that I fucking LOVE her for; that when you have sex, you either fully get your orgasm from your partner, or worse that you will have simultaneous orgasms with them, when Betty’s much better and healthier framing is that “my orgasm is my responsibility and my partner’s orgasm is their responsibility and we get to share that with each other.” THAT masturbation related myth HAS actually totally changed my views of partnersex as being an activity for my partner and I to share partnersex but masturbation is prioritised for having our orgasms.
I was incredibly fortunate to have a positive experience with the familial attitudes held by my parents when I was growing up. I was a sexual toddler and still remember having an active sexual relationship with myself. I have a teddy bear (still in a trunk of old stuffies and books) that I used to masturbate with. He was soft and malleable and had a little hard black nose, perfect for clit stim! My dad recalls a time he caught me humping a blue macramĆ© blanket in the living room (itās knotted texture was quite pleasing to my pussy), and instead of being shocked or disgusted, he laughed and asked me if what I was doing felt good. āYeahā¦but now Iām all sweaty!ā I replied out of breath.He told me that it was a good thing but that itās an activity that I should do in the privacy of my room when I felt like doing it. Following that day I was a bit sneakier about my ājill offā sessions in the living room but also took his advice and had āprivate timeā with my door closed.
Mostly they didnāt interfere if they ever caught me or suspected that they might have. One time when I was staying up late in my room and my mom came in to tell me to go to bed, Iām sure I rustled the blankets in a way that she knew I was jerking off and she only asked me if I wanted to talk about it. I said no, because by this point I had read about the term in a library book and liked learning that that was what I was doing. I was also fortunate to have my early sexual experiences later in high school, mostly kissing and making out and once straddling and grinding on a guy at a party. My next influence when I was in early university, was discovering Sex for One! So Betty ended up being one of my formative sexual influences and Iām forever grateful. I attended my first Bodysex workshop in 2013, one of the first Bettyās did with the support of Carlin. I was 24.I quite enjoy collecting toys and curating the best option for each kind of thing I want to have in my collection. My most recent purchase has been the Gizi Snail SVibe: https://svibe.com/products/female-vibrator-gizi-svibe?variant=41936489644168 and I’m quite impressed with this line in general. I think it accomplishes what the rabbit attempted. Having a clitoral stimulator that is always in contact with the clit even while moving this toy in and out. The dual motors are controlled separately, (the positioning of the buttons being my only, but significant, gripe with it), both are nice and rumbly. It can be used hands free and is so mice to hump or grind onto. I’ve evn inserted the ball end into my pussy and used the penetrative end to peg a partner! I love getting creative with toys to find out new ways to get bang for my buck! Iād LOVE to try the Snail Svibe original too because the penetrating bit with the handle is the kind of heavy duty I want to fuck my self well with. *drool*
My other main stay favourite at the minute, while I save up for a new Hitachi (left my old one in Canada with a friend, who I hope is using it to the max), is the we-vibe touch. I concur with everything Laura said about it, good rumbles, soft silicone, nice to hold in the palm for partner sex and the wide cup shape to distribute the vibrations. Yessssss please. I use this one the most right now.
