@megan
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Recently within my sex education certification program, they offered another term: “vaginal corona” to describe the elastic-like tissue surrounding the opening of the vagina (which would include skin tags and folds) and did away with the term hymen all together. I like this framing since we know that the description of “hymen” itself is anatomically inaccurate (when people think of it, the visual is of a seal or cover to the opening – which, as seen in the diagrams in the prior topic pages is INCREDIBLY rare).
I also like to explain to folks that the tissue that they think of as the hymen, but is actually the vaginal corona, is something that starts the same as the webbing between our fingers and toes in utero that get “eaten” (kinda) by enzymes and some bits of tissue remain until puberty then thin out/stretch to create more of an opening for menstruation and penetration.
Bleeding caused by tearing is caused by lack of arousal (and therefore blood and vaginal fluids not being present in the clitoris and vulva), lack of time and patience, lack of proficiency and lack of lubricant
I’m incredibly fortunate to have gotten to do genital show and tell with Betty and Carlin back in 2017 and getting to be in a Vulva-social environment during the first Menla retreat and sharing genital show and tell with a couple of attendees who had never been to one before. Very recently, I did a one-on-one session with Emma Snellgrove and got to do another deep dive into getting to know her again during a current life transition.. I’ve since done it a couple of times on my own, and I’m really enjoying my deepening relationship with her.
Her name is Cunny (Cunt + Hunny)
She is bold and furry. She has wings that extend from the top just under where the skin connects to my clitoral hood, much like a Samurai kimono sleeves. They are long and I remember Betty commenting on and thinking I might’ve had longer in her lips than her! She has a dusty rose colour and a darker pinky brown eyeliner around the edge as the top inner lips connect to the fourchette at the bottom, where the inner lips are shorter. I’d say I have a medium-size clitoris, sensitive, and well-protected by the hood, but easily found when I pull the skin open. My pussy is strong and she will be quite lippy when I squeeze up and lift (she’s been known to push out penises and dildos quite easily). I very much like the smell and taste of her during most times in my cycle, and she has a funny habit of grabbing onto bits of toilet paper and saving them for later. She gives me tons of pleasure and makes me laugh.I can’t recall exactly when I would have first looked at my vulva, but I do assume I did it as a young person. I know that when I discovered “Sex for One” and within the year had decided to take a workshop, I definitely would have taken the time to look before attending. I’m an A+ student and did a lot of things preemptively when it came to my body and sex. For example, I tried inserting tampons before I got my period so I would know what to do and I also chose to penetrate myself with a sex toy before having penetrative intercourse with a partner, so it makes sense that I would have done my homework ahead of the workshop to get to know her a bit before doing it in front of Betty 🤣
The documentary was lovely. It was so wonderful to see Betty in her Wise crone era in full power, getting to record the transcendence of genital show and tell and adding the photo shoot. It was so wholesome, so welcoming, and I truly feel such joy as well as grief, watching a style of media and approach that was had before social media, and the impact that it has had a negative affect on women’s body confidence. It’s clear these women have been influenced by media and culture, but still at a time when they could make up their own minds and opinions for themselves, and that really shone through. Getting to see the photo shoot brought back a similar feeling to when Betty was in San Francisco and shaved her friend’s head. It was so relaxed, joyful, playful, and unique. I absolutely love being in these spaces. I loved the approach and encouragement of the photographer! She clearly got Betty’s vision 🙂
I’ve been so fortunate to see so many vulvas and get to know the women they are an integral part of. I get reconnected to my vulva frequently and take time to converse with her, massage her and create art inspired by her. I love Betty’s vulva drawings, and she has definitely solidified in me the confidence I feel advocating for vulvas and their rightful acknowledgement as the root seed and gem of a woman’s sexual expression. I love celebrating their unique styles and further learning and being curious about their designs, structures and functions for exploratory pleasure. I recently went into a spiritual/sexual small business shop where an artist had candles in the shapes of penises and vulvas. They were beautiful, and I know they were all the same for being cost-effective with one mould, but I lamented that they couldn’t all be designed as uniquely and realisticly in their variation as Betty’s drawings. Art has SUCH a profound healing capacity for this misunderstood and stunning part of the female body.
My self-love and worship practice is ornate and changes depending on my needs, mood and desires. It can include smoking some weed or a glass of whiskey, lighting candles, having a bath or shower by candlelight, listening to sexy witchy music (Aurora, Stevie Nicks, Florence and the Machine) or some audio erotica (I like Quinn and Dipsea, they also do body scan meditations like Carlin’s). I’ll massage my body with lotion and oil, do vulva massages with my hands, rolling my hips and pelvis and other movements and stretching. Going deeper in my breathwork, relishing the sighs, moans and sounds I make. Talking dirty to myself, maybe including some toys or accessories for sensation (rope, nipple clamps, vibrators, dildo and butt plug). I love these sessions and taking the time for a few hours to pamper myself this way. It usually leads to being creative and then treating myself to a delicious sweet treat and tea 😀 The goal is to continue exploring these practices and incorporating more fun, whimsy and play.
I love hearing that they love my vulva and clit, that it’s soft, they like my pubic hair and are addicted to my smell and taste
That they love my body hair (underarm, legs and pubic hair) and that it’s soft and sexy
I love hearing that they love all my flesh and curves, breasts, hips and ass
I’ve been very sex education-minded since university and felt that I’ve been fortunate to engage in sex when I was ready and self-empowered. I entered my world of sexual play with safer sex practices for the most part and have only had Chlamydia one time from the person with whom I ended up in a 9 year long relationship with (it was at the very beginning of our time together and we were in Banff, Alberta ther STI capital of Canada – their sexual health clinic is truly one of the best). I am now a proud slutty person and still engage with a combo of test results from partners, condoms and getting tested myself every 3-6 month (in the UK they have some great and very accessible systems in place I think more countries could learn a lot from Including swabs and blood tests using lancets done in the privacy of your own home you then mail to the lab and get results in less than a week usually). I think generally I’ve gotten more risk-tolerant simply because of my lack of shame around sex, desire to teach others that STI’s are no worse than most colds/flus and that HSV1/2 and HIV are preventable and treatable. I love barrierless sex and I wanna live my sex life without fear.
A non-exhaustive list; off the top of my head
More birth control methods for men and people with penises that stop them being able to ejaculate genetic material (with the possibility to procreate with every come.
Midwives and doulas to be normal and expected support systems for labouring mothers.
The choice to be childfree is neutral or just as celebrated as the choice to become a parent.
Comprehensive sexual health education focused on pleasure, with birth control and health and safety being alongside it.
More advancements in process and protocol engaging holistic practices for pregnancy and birth.
Plentiful and easy access to plan B/contincency pill, early abortion/menstrual extraction, always access to abortion for complications.
Education and accountability for men who impregnate women. Punishment and social change for abusers and men who rape children (who then become unintentional mothers)
Women who choose to give birth and wanting to go through the journey of motherhood, being supported in community and infrastructure that makes it financially feasible.
Maternity and paternity leave
Newborn Boxes and food organized by local government for all new parents.
<p class=”p1″>This is the first I’ve ever heard of menstrual extraction and I found it absolutely fascinating. Carol’s story and the path that it took to come back to an old practice such as this one, makes perfect sense. If you’re someone familiar with your own body, uses a menstrual cup, a diaphragm and can explore your own cervix, using a speculum, you could, with support, do this procedure to minimize trauma. Using a method that speaks to a more holistic relationship with a female body that has been taken away from us by the patriarchal medical system. I did a bit more reading up on Carol‘s work and it’s upsetting to see that people are being forced in the direction of undercover abortions. Her work may become more relevant very quickly. It was fascinating to hear them discuss parallels and the censorship and difficulties pioneering these ideas, even to other women. It reiterates much work there is to do. Returning to a more simplified, common-sense style support between women in community. It always seemed to be the answer.</p>
I’m 37, so I’m not there yet. I’m fortunate to have a very active and engage self-sexual practice and a mother who is a natural health practitioner and true wise woman who focuses on women in peri/menopause reorienting their diet and relationship with their bodies towards a gentle transition. We share lots of wisdom with each other about female health, sexual and otherwise. I feel calm and even looking forward to it.
<p class=”p1″>I’m fortunate to be amongst community of families, and women especially, who think outside the box and attune very much to their own needs when it comes to pregnancy and childbirth I am often someone they call to ask about the specifics of the overlap with their sexuality and for permission to be sexual and orgasmic while pregnant. I very much agree with Tosh’s comment above, and how this is connected to perfection and the intense pressure that comes with this responsibility, change in the body, possibility for complications or even death. That one person’s experience will somehow be any similar to anyone else’s.</p>
<p class=”p1″>If I know the woman, I have very much encouraged conversation around how she feels about her body, how it’s growing, if she’s attuned with her erotic self and feels positive about being sexual while pregnant. A friend was excited to receive Hitachi magic wand from me as her labour gift and I encouraged her to use it to massage her body during labour and see if she could make her birthing experience connected to pleasure. The mainstream story of birth is also medical, sterile and power given to the doctors. It’s still very foreign for women to want to create an environment for birth that is similar to how they prefer their environments to be when they have pleasure and orgasm. I’m choosing not to give birth, but rather be a support and extended family auntie/big sister to my friends’ kids and soon my sister’s first baby. I have friends and colleagues who are doulas and see the increase of these alternative modalities being chosen again.</p>
More than anything, I’m so in tune with seeing the value and benefits of having my cycle and my bleed, my rage is at capitalism and patriarchy creating a work schedule and environment that is SOOOOOO out of sync with nature and natural cycles (effective at exhausting us and throwing our energies entirely out of wack). I will rant to anyone I meet about how we must rebel against these falsely created structures that steal our power. I do everything I can to decenter these systems in daily actions and inner thoughts (awareness of how much my own brain has been manipulated to the propaganda of these systems). I’m intentionally building a life that shakes the status quo and hopefully inspires women and folks who bleed to do the same. Using period blood and sex magick to engage the matriarchy and culture shift towards care, nurturance and creation.
This past month was the second one in a row that my bleed started on the full moon so I know I’m coming into some strong sex magick energy 😝 I have really been attuning to trying my best to empty my schedule for the first 2 days so I can smoke weed, paint, masturbate, eat snacks, take epsom salt baths and journal. I don’t have a lot of pain (grateful and fortunate), sometimes a strong headache preceeds it and I’ll have achy legs and want to stretch and do gentle yoga. I harness all the internal and reflective energy of the blood and the moon to create. I’m in love with my menstruation and I’ve used menstrual cups and discs since my late teens which has been such a normalizing element. I recently painted a pussy portrait using my menstrual blood and loved that process. The colour is so vivid and changes when it dries (I tried to add it here but can’t figure out how to upload it)
Definitely feel a deepening of my pleasure and capacity for edging sessions and orgasms. I have enjoyed more playfulness in my body. I practice Shibari rope bondage and play the Bodhran (a celtic drum), both of these practices are physical meditations that keep me in my body. I do saunas and cold swims as often as I can (monthly at least). I love discovering the strength my body can keep. I’m grateful to be able to keep her entertained and in sustainable, physical form.
