@megan
Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
From the workshop that Dell Williams attended to Betty’s appearance at the NOW conference with her box of wand vibrators and split beaver slideshow to the push back and negotiation from Ms. Magazine about publishing the full “Liberating Masturbation”, pages 132-148 indicate that there wasn’t necessarily one moment that defined her place as a sex positive feminist hero, more so that she wasn’t someone to be deterred or intimidated by failure or the challenging nature of being a pioneer to a very hot button topic of the era. Her strength and the resilient need to go after the opportunities the social climate was offering to her and she was able to fearlessly face it head on. That is ultimately what solidified her iconic status. Being scared and doing it anyway.
Unsurprisingly my faves are also the barbell and magic wand. However another go-to, especially when travelling, is the we vibe touch. It packs a surprising punch for such a small palm vibe and stays charged a good length of time. I have an njoy steele butt plug (I love their line of toys but they’re an investment) that is comfy and weighted in the right amount. I’m also currently really enjoying the snail vibe, but I got the smaller one and sort of regret it because I think the one with the handle would be better but I love how this design actually does what the rabbit wishes it could do (clit stim and penetration at the same time with one toy and constant contact with the clitoris as the penetrating part goes in and out).
Historical points that left an impression on me was the fact that so much of the initial popularity of sex toys and dildos was instigated by a delicately branched tree of activists, capitalists, small ethical businesses and huge business moguls, educators and change makers. I appreciated the way Hallie created a storytelling tone addressing all of their input and roles played. The frustrating world of business having to dance around the parameters of the law mixed with the holistic and sex positive world. I was surprised that a straight, black, parapalegic man was responsible for designing the strap-on certainly made me question my implicit bias. I love hearing Betty’s story in conjunction and contrast to the other happenings in the marital, political, civil justice, sex positive (and negative) happenings of her time and the way these things build cross communally during a time where print media, posters, phone calls and consciousness raising groups were the main lines of education and communication. I was fascinated with some of the evolutionary stopping points some of the toys took in their development (the “Neumo Penis-Aid” shown in one of the dildo advertisement photos, I thought was actually really clever and I wonder what the modernized version could be). Also as someone who has worked in a sex toy store and often bemoaned the shitty novelty items of poor quality (anal numbing cream and those sweaty rubber dongs!), it was fascinating to learn how the market *had* to adhere to state legalities in order to sell them (and the fact that this was also the case in Canada where I was peddling pleasure products).
PS I recently received a hard copy of Tits and Clits a comic book compendium from 1972-187 and it’s wild how many similarities reflected in the conversations, sharing of knowledge and resources happened during those pre-internet years. Highly recommend checking it out!
Yes I love it. Positions that put the penetratee in the power position or for them to be more relaxed and rested (on top for power, on their back or on their stomach with the butt in the air like yoga puppy pose is best for starting out). I love a plug or a finger, having the sensation of stimulating the outside and then when the toy or finger (or more) is inside I like it not to move. Rocking is nice. Really slow and teasing the opening for a looooooong time. More lube than you know what to do with. I like giving and receiving analingus as well with the right prep 😀 For me adding anal stimulation after I’ve had an orgasm or two and then have pussy penetration, will make me have an exorcism. Fun times.
I love butt stuff. Everyone has an asshole-it’s the great equalizer. I love giving anal penetration I think a bit more that receiving it. But I love it, it’s not been happening as much lately as I navigate some dietary adjustments lol. The last time I had anal penetration it was with the barbell and it was amazing. I love fingering and pegging a partner who is also a fan of receiving anal stimulation, the reactions and noise, eyes rolling back in their head. Heaven. The taboo of it certainly adds to it, and normalizing that fecal matter is a possibility. Knock on poops door and sometimes poop will answer! I just wish more men were into receiving, it’s tough to find male partners who are into it. Booooo
I love the clear statement that penetration should come only after arousal. Men and people with penises aren’t expected to penetrate unless aroused so of course it make perfect sense that women and people with vaginas shouldn’t be expected to be penetrated until they are at their full arousal. This empowerment that’s actually reinforced by vaginal pain. The pain and physical tightness or blockage at the entrance is exactly the indicator that the vulva/vagina is not ready or desiring penetration. Vaginismus and pelvic pain is the body’s clear signal that receiving someone (penis, fingers or toys) is meaningful and important for the person with the vagina to have control of their own penetration and to instigate the receiving.
I haven’t experienced ongoing or chronic vaginal or pelvic pain so the insight of this section was very impactful. Also to know that it will probably happen at sometime and to know I have the tools and awareness to engage with it mindfully without shame or frusteration.
I prefer really slow and teasing for as long as possible at the entrance until I’m begging for more and only then I still want the movement incredibly slow, almost imperceptively. I can feel myself getting wet around whatever is penetrating me. I love a slow curved thrust and the suction fuck is the absolute best. This pairs well with the person’s body weight heavy on me almost a pressure containment on my body and in my pussy. Delicious.
I loved hearing the story of how she was propositioned to endorse the dildo with a handle and turned it down in true B.A.D fashion in favour of the virgo “I’ll do it myself and it will be perfect!”. Using all her knowledge of art, design and women’s preferences for a stylish, safe to use dildo, perfect for pelvic floor exercise, vaginal aeration, size adjustment, hands-free use, hot and cold stimulation and weight that perfectly stimulates the backside of the internal clitoris. It’s one of the best toys ever.
Personally I love using the large end and nuzzling it gently into the opening of my vaginal corona and teasing my opening for a long time while doing clit stim (fingers and then eventually vibrator or wand). I also love having it inside and hands free so my pelvic floor muscles can grip and release it while doing the rock and roll method. Sometimes I also take it really deep to play on and around the cervix for some deep multiple orgasms. Betty, you’re a genius and I’m forever grateful for this amazing toy/tool.
I enjoy receiving penetration vaginally orally and anally, I would like to be able to take larger sizes in general but also I want to have that with a partner who will turn the whole thing into a full day expedition! Really a lot of pleasure, a lot of play and teasing, loosening up all my pelvic floor muscles even to receive double penetration with larger sizes. I really enjoy penetrating a partner’s asshole and enjoy the care and trust I can exchange with them. Prostate massage is one of my favourite things to give 😀
As I’ve gotten older and wiser with my pussy, I’ve noticed how much more emphasis I feel around the significance of penetration of my cunt. When I had my first workshop with Betty and Carlin in my early 20s, I learnt about the overlapping petals of my vaginal corona and over the years, I’ve played a lot more with shallow dipping of fingers, a dildo or getting my partner to stroke tap or kind of pulse at the opening. The nerves anding are so sensitive and it sends me to nirvana. I do also like a deep cervical fuck when I’m open and have had a few clitoral orgasms. I also really enjoy a doggy (but more like child’s pose with my chest on a stack of pillows and the magic wand on my clit. I enjoyed reading the Scarleteen Article and the detail with which Heather emphasis how WILD it in that we are having another person’s body enter ours. The awareness and therefore added consideration and sacredness to that art is something that has given me more to think about. I’ve also enjoyed playing power games with a partner once who was not allowed to enter me until he asked, and possibly begged and that was only after I had received a great deal of clitoral and outer vulva stimulation. The power trip was really delicious and fun!
A bodysex workshop starts with a commitment to the self; first by booking in and investing in the process of arriving in the circle. For many this part is the first hurdle, to travel to the location, invest financial and time resources to arrive ready to lean fully in to the container. Then navigating the individual processing of being nude with a group of women strangers. Even these initial steps are such a strong and brave choice for the participants that starts to open up the possibilities towards evolution within each woman. The confidence that comes about is assured in the circle, while the sacred bodies settle, breath and observe the energy. Betty’s (and by extension every Bodysex facilitator following in her path) authenticity, humanity, bravery, and grounded wisdom opens, even further, the strength of each woman to fully accept herself and the unique individuals in the circle. The knowledge, as you sit in circle, that each women present has gone through the same journey and you are committed to support each other in deeply knowing and loving yourself. Betty’s assurance that self knowledge, seeing your body and your vulva as beautiful and unique works of art ,and that pleasure of all kinds is your inherent birthright. Betty’s art, accurate anatomical illustrations and education about the clitoral structure supports everyone to understand where the pleasure is coming from and offers techniques and specific supportive tools (almond oil, magic wand and the barbell) to build stimulation over time with no rushed deadline. The power in the circle, the acceptance for whatever is shared, the honouring of the different stories, techniques, challenges and kinds of pleasure creates such an abundant space for women to find and explore pleasure on their own terms with the support of their sisters. Some women may need more time (which I maintain is only a good thing, as a capitalist rebel) but every single one of them will be transformed in this powerful pussy portal.
Sooooo many things. But for the sake of time; Time.
Either not having or being able to create enough time to fully release and relax, to create a long and slow lush space for her to settle deeply into receptive energy and deepen her sensitivity and awareness to her breath, her movement, bodily sensation. Maybe she’s become accustom to a sex toy or vibrator and the speed at which she’s let escalate, therefore either overstimulating or numbing her clit and genitals. Or maybe with a partner there is not enough time spent building up arousal and creating an open space of languid teasing that allows her to reach a deep space of pleasure and desire so that when direct genital stimulation happens it’s too quick, sharp or insistent which then pushes past the slow build up and she then feels the pressure to reach climax, which then results in the opposite.
It amazes me that she was so exact in her assessment and specific to boldly renounce the propaganda of the patriarchy in the 70s. She’s adament in clarifying the way patriarchy, men and the overlap with the medical and psychiatry systems were blanket diagnosing women as frigid, when in fact it was men and the patriarchy. Their insistence that the vagina must correspond to the penis as female pleasure centre because that framing would put the blame on the woman and not the men, who ignored or intentionally hid the power of the clitoris. The centuries long propaganda of diagnosing women as crazy, hysterical, as witches or “unable to adjust to their role as housewife”, layered atop each other to constantly reinforce that our power and pleasure is secondary, doesn’t matter or is evil (when in fact the exact opposite is true)…but I digress.
I was the most appalled with the information about this Professor Halban and Anna’s description of his surgery that would sever the clitoral shaft (FGM) to MOVE IT CLOSER TO THE VAGINAL OPENING. Like, Fuck, these men needed to destroy something they couldn’t argue into being true so they create destructive actions to try and force the matter. (the rage is raging today folks).
“The worst damage was done to the mental health of women, who either suffered silently with self-blame or flocked to psychiatrists looking desperately for the hidden and terrible repression that had kept from them their vaginal destiny.”….We should have been de-centering men’s egos and their opinions on our bodies eons ago.
Overall I loved the article and vocally cheered and raged several times.
I believe all women should know that they can have an orgasm if they want to. That they feel amazing and are a fantastic nervous system regulator and stress releaser. That pressuring yourself to have one probably won’t result in having one but going on the journey of exploring your pleasure and being curious about your body is most likely how it can happen. That not only do you have to do things to access your pleasure but you also have to remove the elements that inhibit you from being fully relaxed and embodied (Brakes and Accelerator from Emily Nagoski’s findings). Slowing down the process and marinating in the juicy delicious feelings of plateau (for the record, I want a rebrand, I think it’s the best part) will allow your body to attune to pleasure and orgasm can be found as part of that journey.
These stories were soooooo relatable and each had some similarity to my own experience. I was taken with some of the accounts by older (than me) women (such as Jennifer Rahner) recounting the details of their orgasms and how they change with age, menopause is fascinating to me and the instillation that more unique and interesting pleasure and evolving journey with my sexual self has so much more to show me!