@amalthea
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I am fascinated by the urethral sponge and the periurethral glands. Learning about these parts of my anatomy has helped me to understand why arousal and the feeling of urination are so linked. And that these sensations can be worked with to increase pleasure, together with the clitoris and clitoral bulb. The periurethral glands are an amazing source of lubrication regardless of whether you’re cultivating the “g-spot” or not.
My wish is that there would be community support for masturbation and sexual education. That there would be more than one place to learn about sexuality, anatomy, pleasure, conception and birth, and birth control. Information about masturbation, orgasm, and contraception would be routinely taught in schools and discussed with medical and psychological professionals. But beyond that, I wish for a network of experiential and sex-positive spaces — like Bodysex– that serve as resources for all ages and genders free from fear, shame, and ideology. And that all those in the helping professions learn more about the power of the vulva.
It decenters the idea that pleasure comes to a woman from an external source – a penis, a lover, some external force— and gives women the knowledge that they need to explore their own complex pleasure system. It helps to create a map of sensations when you have an understanding of the parts or aspects of your anatomy. It decreases confusion and the belief that “other people are experiencing pleasure or an orgasm, but I’m not.”
It maintains a status quo where power is in the hands of everyone but the clitoris owner– the medical system, the patriarchy, educational system, the government (writ large), our sexual partners. When we don’t know that we have resources, we are compromised as a default position. And even when we do experience pleasure through our clitorises, we feel shame, we hide masturbation, we persist in thinking that there’s something wrong or anamalous about ourselves. The lack of knowledge about the power of the clitoris is a major aspect of sexual repression in the world.
<p class=”p1″>The clitoris is not in the brain, it is in the body, located in your vulva. (The vagina is something else, the canal leading to the uterus.) It is an analogue to the penis, but much more sensitive. Your body has the most intricate organ for pleasure in the human organism, containing up to 10,000 nerve endings. These nerve endings require phyiscal engagement, not just mental. As women, it is up to us to understand how we would like to use and stimulate our primary sex organ. I encourage you to consider all parts of your clitoris— the bulb, shaft, tip, and legs. You can only get to know what gives you pleasure by engaging with your clitoris.</p>
I loved this quote from the chapter Gay Heaven: “Anonymous sex could be so special— it was sex without the ego— the opposite of star fucking, power fucking, or romantic fucking. In many ways there was a high degree of unconditional love involved that was spiritual— an amazing degree of acceptance about myself and other people without judgments.”
I was cheering for her when she defended her friends to the FBI agents and even praised her friend’s skills as a lover. I can’t imagine myself ever having the courage to do something like that while being questioned by “the authorities.” And then having to endure wire tapping of her phone with such humor and grace was even more inspiring. It helps to remember Betty’s humor in this age of constant surveillance!
The chapter that stood out the most to me was “Wichita’s Deadly Rapist.” Her self-mastery is so evident in this chapter. The way she meditates with her fears, calls on her spiritual protectors, and then also knows how to completely master a terrifying situation of sex with a voyeur. Wow! I have read this chapter a couple of times now. I also love the quote: “I realized that B.T.K. Was in all of us. Was I not Bound to repeat the same mistakes? Had I not suffered the Torture thinking there was a shortcut to success? And did I not just watch the sharp edge of reality Kill my romantic illusions?” And of course the rapist ends up being a “good citizen” and family man!
Once I had a boyfriend who told me I didn’t taste as good as his girlfriend back home in Italy, which has put me off the taste of my vulva for decades. I’ve always wondered, what was wrong with it? Now that I have been consistently tasting my vulva for this module, I realize that nothing was ever wrong.
I have been touching my vulva for a long time without vibrators or many toys. The touch aspect feels well integrated.
Smell is more difficult for me. It feels like it will be an adjustment to regularly check on my scent.
I’m realizing that “sensuality” has nothing to do with perceived sexiness. It is about allowing the senses to drive sexual arousal and letting the senses be a part of the process of orgasm.
The smell seems to change more than the taste, which is consistently salty. I’m wondering if the smell is affected by lubricants and creams. But generally, it is pungent and doughy.
Starting with cupping my vulva helps me to slow down and honor her before anything else. I like to move from the outside in— the inguinal crease, the outer labia (stroking and tapping) and then when I am ready to be closer to penetration I work with the legs of the clitoral bulb, seeing which side is more sensitive or aroused (usually the left). I don’t touch my clitoris until I feel she is fully erect, and for that I am working my pc muscle continuously, standing up, rolling around. I am always dancing with my vulva.
I am new to vulva massage and I think I will try to add it into my morning routine. Even just a few days a week would make a huge difference. I usually masturbate standing up, so the vulva massage seems like a different way to relax and connect with my body without the goal of orgasm or meditation. My masturbation practice is quite vigorous and intentional. Vulva massage would slow me down a lot, especially if I incorporate the breathing exercises first.
Carlin’s voice and instruction were very soothing and helped me to stay with the experience. I would have stopped or moved onto orgasm way earlier if it weren’t for trying to follow along. I chose to do the massage while I am menstruating (for the first time in months) and with a mirror. It was an added challenge to stay with the visual of the blood and the sensations in the body.
I’m still having some “my vulva doesn’t look like everyone else’s” feelings. I had to resist the urge to groom myself and just stay with how things are and how they felt.
I think the word that comes to mind about vulva sharing and inspiration is wellspring. It returns women to their natural joy and power. It inspires creativity, connection, and love. It brings meaning back into our lives and pleasure into our bodies.
I loved how the Viva La Vulva video framed the vulva as a work of art and how much creative and artistic expression was woven into the presentation of the workshop. Everyone became a vulva artist like Betty and everyone got to style their vulva as well as be inspired by it.
As I reflect on what I’ve learned, I’m confronted with how embarrassed I’ve been about my vulva for most of my life. So many secretions, folds, and crevices. How difficult it was for men to relate to my vulva and appreciate her. Now I see that that was because *I* couldn’t relate to my vulva, appreciate her uniqueness, and be comfortable with what I have, much less how beautiful she is.
It’s crazy to reflect on how exquisite and at the same time normal the vulva is. And yet we have no idea. The Bodysex experience is one of normalization and radicalization at once!